The last few days have been intense- to say the least.
The hormones that are racing through my body are making me feel… I can hardly even describe. I feel like my energy and aura is supple, squishy, permeable and not quite able to naturally guard or fend off all the goods and evils of the world. To say that I feel heightened or sensitive is a gross understatement.
When a woman is going through a natural cycle (without drugs, just releasing one little egg in a month) her estrogen level gets about as high as 100. Today, mine came back at 2242. It’s like PMS on cryptonite.
My current symptoms emulate pregnancy (wherein estrogen gets this high). Here is what I feel at this point.
– Super sore boobies (this is a new development).
– Nausea all through out the day (particularly when I don’t eat)
– Heightened sense of smells (most make me feel sick).
– Crying. Yes. I cry all the time now. I mean, ALL the time. Learning to just roll with it.
– Things taste weird, particularly eggs. I can taste eggs in my mouth for an hour after I’ve had them.
– Very bruised belly. I am wearing soft cotton skirts with leggings every day for comfort. Irony is that I bought these soft skirts YEARS ago when I thought I was going to be pregnant. I thought they’d stretch with a growing belly.
– I feel my ovaries. No joke. Cramping in my lower abdomen. The follicles are growing so big now that I just feel them all the time. Especially if I move a certain way. It’s a TRIP.
– Intensely emotional; I feel so happy and in love with Gina. So connected with all that is good in the world (the Dalhi Lahma, MLK, Maya Angelou). And, when things are prickly anywhere (friends, the post office, you name it) I feel extra “ouchy” in my heart.
– Visual enhancement… not sure what that’s about but life is in technicolor. The grass is greener and the sky bluer.
– Night sweats. Sheets soaked. Yelch.
– Lower back pain.
– Insomnia. Difficulty falling asleep or back asleep.
In some ways, it feels like I am on the drug Ecstasy, which sort of makes sense given it’s a serotonin enhancer and isn’t that what estrogen is?
It’s Sunday night. We have three more days with my estrogen doubling each day. I can do this. I might burst by the end, but I can do it. I know I can.