Feeling Full
Today is the day before the surgery.
I feel so full. Full of goddess energy as my friend John says. Full of eggs, I say. My estrogen is likely over 4000 today but I am already feeling better not having had the Menpur shot this morning. I feel like I’m coming down off the hormones but that my ovaries are growing, rising. My lower abdomen is now full and uncomfortable all the time. It’s very uncomfortable to walk and at times painful (sitting down and getting up). That follicle that was 28mm two days ago must be well over 32 today… I can’t even imagine. Dr. H told me, “Now you know how your chickens feel!” Ha. That was funny. But, I’ll add, they aren’t carrying around 20 off these things!
Goddess Power
While I’m really ready to get the eggs out of me … I must confess there is something I really love about them in me, too. Something I love about having this many ripe eggs all ready to go, right here in my own body. Twenty possible little lives in there. Twenty tiny bits of beginning creation. It feels powerful. I feel powerful. I can imagine tomorrow after the surgery feeling some loss or sadness. I know that must sound weird, but they are my eggs. I have grown them and I think maybe I feel slightly attached to them! Still though, physically, I am looking forward to feeling better (and walking upright… by evening, I’m so full in my ovaries, I’m walking sort of hunched over).
Day to Day Magic
I saw clients much of today and tried to stay busy. It’s very odd having all this be so prevalent in my life and yet most people not knowing. They ask how I am and I just be vague. Weird for me. I wonder if they know something is up?
In the somatic hands-on work I do with my clients I feel my energy surging through my hands and into their bodies. I feel like a faucet has been turned on in my energy and in my work. And they can feel it, too. When I rest my hands on their hands, feet or bellies… they report immediate tingling sensations. All of them. No joke. I get it. I can feel it too. My intuition is increased as well. I wonder if this is what it will feel like to be working with clients whilst preggers. If so, maybe I should charge more. 🙂
Pre-Surgery Jitters
It’s almost 10pm. I plan to watch my favorite TV show Parenthood (how ironic) then climb into bed. I have my ipod with Krishna Das all ready. Gina has a list of the people she’s going to text tomorrow about surgery and we are prepping the bed and food and meds for when we get home tomorrow. I also have half a dozen eggs from our chickens out and ready. They are laying so infrequently these days but I’ve been saving up to give to Dr. H tomorrow.
I’m a tiny bit nervous about surgery… “going under” is never a ton of fun (or risk-free) but I think it’s safe to say that my overall excitement and gratitude outweighs it all. I figure I’ll have plenty of time to get nervous tomorrow morning and by the time I get really nervous I’ll have happy drugs knocking me out. For now, I hope I can sleep well.
Prayers
If you pray, please pray. If you light candles, would love that, too. If you simply only have time to think good thoughts and send good wishes, I’d be so grateful. It ALL matters and helps.
I pray for an ease filled, healthy surgery. I pray for the highest level of skill and presence and attentiveness of the surgery team (particularly Dr. H). I pray that we are all surrounded and held in spirit of the archangels; protected and divinely guided. I pray that we have plenty of viable, healthy eggs to be fertilized. I pray that the beginning of our baby will be found tomorrow, will be handled with care and fertilized by it’s right sperm, kept warm and safe to grow. I pray for Gina to be calm and steady and for me to rest and heal well the remainder of the day. I pray that all of you know and feel my love and gratitude.
I pray.