Protecting My New Resident(s)

So, that big fat angry rash on my back side has only gotten worse. It’s more red, more inflamed and it’s spread: now up my 3/4 of my back and down my legs from my yoni to my calves, it’s like a party on my skin for this damn fungus. To boot, I’ve now got a cold sore on my mouth and a few other blistery kinds of things on my hands. Fever is bad, bad, bad in early pregnancy so I’m taking tylenol to avoid that. All in all, the rash keeps me from sleeping at night (especially early morning hours) which isn’t good because my sleep is already compromised from the cramping and peeing all night long. Though I am SO grateful to be pregnant, at the risk of sounding ungrateful, it’s pretty miserable.

I’m trying to stay calm but it’s all little bit stressful (even the good stress of being pregnant has an impact my doc says). I’ve been on phone with multiple docs every day since Wednesday (today is Sunday). Finally, after 5 days of everyone being totally stumped, to incorrect prescriptions that only made the rash worse, I finally have a correct diagnosis, some insight and a plan.

What I’ve deduced so far…
1. About a year ago, Gina accidentally gave me tinea versicolor. Despite the fact that skin stuff is incredibly difficult to treat, I’ve been doing a pretty good job keeping at at bay by treating it naturally (via my Naturpath doc, Liz Wallace) since then. Still, I never totally wiped it out.

2.  Progesterone is a naturally occurring hormone in the body of a pregnant women. It helps suppress the immune system so that our bodies don’t attack our new little resident(s). For those of us 35 and older, progesterone levels can drop quite a bit so one way to keep an “older” woman pregnant (and keep from miscarrying) is to supplement her progesterone; hence the progesterone shots I’m taking each night and suppositories I take throughout the day.

3. In pregnancy, about 1/3 of women will have a hyperstimulated responses to this natural immune suppressant (whether they do IVF or not) causing outbreaks of all kinds of weird things in their bodies can no longer be bothered to suppress. Apparently, I’m one of the lucky ones.

What all this means…
My body was a big rash waiting to happen. With the massive amounts of progesterone going through my body, the rash (and any thing else that was going on in my body naturally- ie. the herpes virus/cold sore/fever blister) didn’t stand a chance. In a sense this is good, because my tiny passengers are well protected. The bad news is that me and my body are suffering. Already, I think, I’m learning what it means to be a mother.

The Plan
It’s a plan I feel somewhat good about. I say somewhat because it involves more chemicals and western meds than I’d like but they seem to be pretty benign so I’m gonna go for it because as the tending ORM doc said today, “…the stress of all this along with the inflammation is potentially far worse for an early pregnancy than the meds you’ll take to help you.”

1. First I’ll take an antihistimine so that I can reduce the swelling and get some relief (and rest).

2. Second, I am to use a topical anti-fungal cream to eradicate the rash (the first time we put it on we quickly realized that I might as well just bath in it we had to cover so much of my body and that our one little tube was likely only going to last us a day or two).

3. Third, the tending doc (at ORM) that I spoke with today, told me to STOP taking the progesterone shots. He said even though the main rash is not at the exact location of where the shot is, we don’t need anymore aggravation in my ass (no pun, no kidding) or from that level of progesterone in general. We need to just let things calm down. He suggested upping my dose of vaginal suppositories to three a day (instead of two) and then taking two of those suppositories by mouth twice a day (for a total of 5 capsules a day).

4. Lastly, go back in on Tuesday to get my blood drawn again to test my levels of progesterone.

My naturopath was kind enough to talk to me on a Sunday as well and approves of the protocol (makes me feel better) and says that the extra heat that my body is creating from being pregnant is also adding to all this. She said she was sort of worried this might happen to me because we never fully got rid of the tinea. In fact, last time I was there she asked me, “How’s your tinea?” I wondered then why she asked. Now I know.

My Heart and Mood
Tired
I’m wiped out. Not only am I exhausted from early pregnancy, I’m tired of all the hub-bub of trying to figure out what this rash is and what to do about it, waking at 6am to make an oatmeal pack so I can tolerate sitting or laying down (much less sleeping) for a few hours and rubbing anti-itch creams incessantly (some of which inflamed it even more). Now that I have what seems like good information and a solid plan, I feel relieved but still tired. Planning to nap long and hard today. Groceries will just have to wait until tomorrow.

Grumpy
Maybe the hormones, maybe the fatigue, maybe just appropriately pissed off that I’m having such a hard first week of pregnancy (when all I wanted was for it to be so fun), grumpiness has finally caught up with me. From the dumb doc at urgent care to stupid drivers on the road, I’m grumpy. Thank goodness here for the medical team I can trust and rely on (Liz W and ORM), dear friends and Gina.

Self-Responsiblity
It is not lost on me that in my last post I was a bit scared to leave ORM’s care for two weeks and now here I am going back Tuesday for bloodwork again (and been on the phone with them every day since last bloodwork on Friday). Is my fear causing all this just to get what I want?

I also think about Louise Hay and my mind/body connection. Am I not able to be “in my own skin” now that I’m pregnant? Is this new identity that I’ve so long waited for just too much? So, I plan to do some reflecting, listening and dreaming on this and just allow for anything to come up that will serve my healing (and my tiny passengers’ development).

That said, while I live in a self-responsible world and it’s useful to look at the above, I also know it does no good to dwell there too long, as my doc Liz W. says, “All kinds of crazy shit happens in pregnancy. Your body is working so, so hard right now and it’s doing great.” So, I’ going to just keep trusting that all this shit that’s happening is just that– crazy shit. In some ways it’s not personal at all. And–it’ll pass.

Vulnerability
Last to share in the heart domain is that I’m finding more and more I’m hoping there are two tinies in there. At first it made me real nervous and I sort of freaked out. Now I feel a strong wanting of two and a strong hoping. Noticing my heart wanting to guard and prep and brace for the possibility that there is only one (which would still be AMAZING) and, I can’t help but notice what’s there in my heart. And right behind it is the gremlin voice shaming me, “Don’t be greedy! Be happy with what you’ve got!” Ugly, I know. I’m quieting that bastard down now.

Once again, I notice how vulnerable my new life is– and I am so, so grateful to be living it.

Until soon,
regina
xoxo

P.S. My cramping is much, much better. It’s gone from like 90% of the time and intensity to about 10% of the time and intensity. Yahoo!