I haven’t written in over a week for two reasons. One, it felt like there wasn’t much new to report (as you’ll see below, I was wrong). Two, I feel like shit.
All week long I think of things I could blog, or things to remember but my energy is just so waned that mostly, it all slips by me. So, I thought I’d give you a few highlights from the week and a few new bits of info I learned since my post last Saturday morning.
Daily Highlights
*If you aren’t really up for reading a daily play by play, scroll to the bottom for notable mentions about the week. Kinda like in Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone, only different.
Saturday evening
Went out for a “fun” evening on the town with friends. Learned the hard way, I just couldn’t do it. I was sick, tired, back aching. And though it was SO good to get out of the nausea house and be with people that I love and whom make me laugh, it just wasn’t worth the suffering that came with it (nor the “trying not puke out the car window on the way home). Not to mention, when we left early, the friends who didn’t know I was pregnant asked the friends who did know I am pregnant, “Is Regina pregnant?”… leaving my bff’s to dodge a bullet for me. Guess I was a little obvious.
Since then, I learned that I just can’t do evening things right now. In fact, doing most of anything other than work feels crummy so I’ve had to cancel most social plans. A visit with my friend Linda and the likelihood of seeing my friend Jen run her first marathon. Fortunately, they know I love them and that this will pass.
Sunday
Despite the term morning sickness, I tend to feel best in the morning, well, I have the most energy then anyway. We had a visit with an old friend that morning who had been in Italy since we got our positive results. We told her we are having two. She was thrilled. Slowly, we’ve been letting more people know about the twins part; it’s been fun to watch their reactions. We’ve seen everything from sheer joy to sheer panic. It’s kinda funny.
Monday
Though my TMJ, headache and backache were hanging on, I went to my morning pre-natal yoga class. The first 45 minutes of check-in make the whole thing worth it. I LOVE hearing from all the other moms-to-be on what’s happening. I also love the support, validation and encouragement I get there. The yoga instructor suggested I see someone for the headache, TMJ and backache… no need to suffer with all that and morning sickness and fatigue she said. Later she gave me a referral. In a wonderful, Portland, small-world story, it turns out that the referral was to the wife of the man that co-rents my office space from me. She works for a place called Whole Mama, Whole Child. And, she was the only person at that clinic (three blocks from our home) that take my insurance. Last but not least, she’s a mother of 16 month old twins. Was this meant to be or what? I got in that day.
She told me that my lower back (sciatica) and pelvis were really out of whack. I think she used the word “thwarted”, but because I’m still in first trimester she couldn’t do a whole lot of major adjusting as those lower back muscles are connected to the uterus and we don’t want to rattle that region too much or give it any cause to contract. Still, she worked it out a bit and my TMJ, too. By the next day I found a bit of relief from the TMJ.
Tuesday
Saw clients and slept.
Gina got an amazing email from her dear friend (my friend too) in SF, Sarah Watanabe who was also really sick with ‘morning sickness’ too. It’s such a sweet email that makes me feel so loved, I had to share with you. The subject line read: regina and those other people who are invading your lives.
so,i am assuming you already know way more about what regina needs than i do, but i thought i’d check in just in case and see how it’s going. my first trimester was truly miserable in every sense and it sounds like she’s going through a lot of the same stuff so i thought i’d share a little advice that would have helped me.#1, most important thing for a partner to figure out: it’s difficult for an independent, normally healthy and strong person to ask for help with the simplest things all day long. she’s probably trying to do more for herself than she needs to and feels a little weird getting you to wait on her. if you can get it through to her that she should ask for your help as much as possible, great. if not (or even if you do) you need to anticipate her needs for a while. she’s probably not even sure what will help anyway so just go ahead and take over if you have to.it’s easier to prevent the nausea than get rid of it once it sets in.she should eat a little every 1-2 hours.bring her tea and water.if it’s been a while since she’s eaten (like first thing in the morning), try to bring her a little something to eat and drink while she’s laying down. its when you stand up with an empty stomach that it really hits you. you can keep it by the bed.the simplest meals are really difficult to put together when you are really sick. the 5 minutes it takes to walk to the kitchen and heat something up are really difficult. if she’s nauseous and exhausted, she might procrastinate doing it and then it gets even worse and nothing will seem appetizing. make the toast for her. microwave the oatmeal. it helps more than you can imagine.cook some simple wholesome meals but don’t use much seasoning (other than salt and pepper or something). chicken soup with rice and veggies. mashed potatoes. steamed veggies. keep it simple. who knows what smells will bother her but i’d stay away from anything greasy, spicy fishy, eggy, garlic or oniony… you know, strong. try to help her get enough protein. it’s easy to get reliant of cereals, toast, crackers because they are so easy and usually least offensive.don’t wear fragrances, chew gum with a strong smell or stuff like that.ok gina. how are you holding up? is your mouth still hanging open like in that hilarious video that i watched over and over?love to you both (all)-sarahoh-p.s. remember the time you were drinking shots of something all night and then we got up at the crack of dawn to go deep sea fishing? you had coffee and a donut i think and then headed out to sea. think of how you felt that day and you’ll totally get where she’s coming from.
Wednesday
Went in for acupuncture to Liz R. I told her all my ailments, including an excessive worry that had gotten a hold on me for 2 days straight. It was like a vice grip around my throat I couldn’t shake.
She gave me lots of love, got me on the table and fixed me right up. One particular needle in my left calf felt like fire. Fire! In all my years, never had a needle hurt so bad….or work so good. I went home and took a nap. By that evening, I had more energy and less nausea than I’d had in weeks. And my worry didn’t have the grip it had before. In fact, I felt calm and peace. It was like a miracle! The next day was a bit better and by Friday, I was feeling pretty sick again. She gave me a hand out on morning sickness and some new ways (that I hadn’t yet heard of) to help with it (one being apple cider vinegar and honey… if I can stomach it, I’ll try it).
I know that if you aren’t sick, it’s hard to remember what it feels like to be sick. I’d tried to describe it to Gina or friends and felt I often failed. Then I read the opening line of the handout: here is what is says.
“Nausea during pregnancy is often dismissed as a minor disorder of pregnancy. However, as it can be compared to the experience of having persistent food poisoning it is not something that one would volunteer to endure for 12-16 weeks.”
That’s it! That is exactly it! It’s like having food poisoning… all the time. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Which explains why I hardly want to talk on the phone or be social- imagine trying to carry on a fun little chat in the midst of your last food poisoning episode. Crazy right? That helped me to be a little easier on myself and take more liberty with taking care of myself.
Thursday
Still felt some nice effects of the previous day’s acupuncture so I made a bunch of calls, saw clients, did some work that had been getting passed by, smiled (A lot!) and then pooped out and was full on sick (nausea) again.
Friday
The sun came out! Hallelujha!
Interviewing docs
Gina and I met with and interviewed a midwife who works in a hospital who does twins (not an easy thing to find). We liked her a lot but at the end of the day, no one really has the experience with twins like my current OB. She’s willing to do vaginal birth even if baby B is in breech position (many docs won’t simply because they don’t have the experience with it and there can be some risks) but, she also won’t hesistate to do surgery if it’s what’s called for. She seems to be the right mix of both standing for the birth we want and being really big on the safety of the mama and baby (makes Gina very happy). In addition, I can use the midwife we originally wanted as the two women have an already existing partnership together. Despite some personality concerns I have about the OB, (more about a “fit” with us than anything horrible about her) I think we’ll get the best of both worlds if we go this route. We are still asking around for referrals but that’s the direction we are leaning.
Meeting new Mom’s of Multiples (MOM’s, turns out they are called)
After the midwife appointment we stopped at Whole Foods for lunch. While standing at the salad bar, Gina spotted a mom with a double Bob (double stroller). Twins. Later she stood right by me and I struck up a conversation. I told her, “We’re pregnant with twins” and she just about jumped up and down with excitement telling us how great it is, how wonderful twins are and how it’s really not as bad as people make it out to be (well, apart from the first 4 months she later admitted with a smile). She seems about my age and turns out she used the same clinic, ORM that we did. She gave us her contact info and encouraged us to call her with any questions we have. I feel like we’ve joined a new private club where all the members are over the moon happy. 🙂 Parents of twins think it’s the best thing ever and consider it a blessing. We are letting ourselves catch their vibe and are getting more and more excited about our double blessing.
I spent the rest of the day in the sun reading a book. I realize that when I’m totally lost in a book, I feel the nausea less. Hurray! Had to cancel dinner plans though cuz after taking a shower I just about fell asleep standing and the reprieve from the nausea I’d felt earlier all caught up with me in a matter of minutes. I wasn’t about the make the same mistake as the week before.
Saturday
Sun again! And this time warm, too. Gina and I ignored the messy house that has been less tended to than usual and packed our bags and food then headed east for a picnic in a state park. We meandered for a while, stopping to view the breathtaking scenery of the Columbia Gorge, giant waterfalls, a pristine white Mt. Hood against a gorgeous blue sky and trees in so many shades of green it seemed unreal. Finally, we stopped, made a little spot in the sun and shade, spread a blanket and enjoyed the afternoon. Pema made her way to join us which was such a treat. Again, by the riverbank and in nature and the sun, I had a few hours of reprieve from the nausea. It was so great.
In fact, I had a two interesting moments sans feeling pukey. One was, “Shit! I hope I’m still pregnant (nausea tends to be a good sign of a healthy pregnancy, though not always as hormones can last long after a fetus may no longer be alive…but we try not to think about that too much…). And then later, as opposite as could be, whilst staring at the sparkles on the water, in a surreal sort of moment I thought, “Wow. So this is what it feels like to be pregnant, to feel life in me. I’ve wanted to know for years and here we are, here it is. This is it! It feels awesome! No wonder women who aren’t sick love being pregnant! I love this! We are so blessed with TWO! How’d we get so lucky? Please stick and stay babies. Please. You are loved and welcomed here so much.” It was a lovely moment I think I’ll remember for a long time.
By 5:30, like clockwork, I was sick again.
Sunday
Easter!
I woke up with the metallic taste in my mouth that I’m now accustomed to but noticed before I was even fully conscious that this was not going to be a a good day like the last two. I was immediately and intensely nauseas. I managed for a few hours until all the sudden and out of the blue I ran to the bathroom. As if in honor of the Christian Holiday, I resurrected the cheesy egg breakfast Gina had made for me–violently and disgustingly– all while she was showering (poor girl, can you imagine?). Someday, we’ll laugh about that. Today is not that day… well, okay, maybe a little laugh today. 🙂
Crappy as I felt, I just wanted out of the house so after I napped we went to see Water for Elephants. A book I’d read and loved a few years back.
Now we are home. I’m on the couch with both the cats snuggled up on me. Gina made a really good fire and is in the kitchen now making dinner (bland, steamed green beans and mashed potatoes… hey, it’s what works).
I have a big week ahead of me with securing and finalizing a new office space, giving my talk at Nike to 150 women and hopefully finalizing our OB/midwife team.
Noteworthy mentions about the week
* I counted at least 4 times that a doc, midwife or health practitioner told me that having twins makes for really bad morning sickness (double the hormones). Then again, the woman we met in Whole Foods (mother of twins) wasn’t sick at all… so, go figure.
* This pregnancy has brought Gina and I so much closer… has us in such a sweet spot. I must be miserable to be around and she is nothing short of a saint. She tells me the only annoying thing is when I keep apologizing for feeling bad. When I’m moody she ignores it and kisses my forehead, when I’m not drinking enough she brings me water, when I need food, she feeds me. She says it’s because she’s good in a crisis but all I can feel is how much she loves me. It’s a seriously sweet side effect of this surprising first trimester. In fact, it’s like someone cast a spell on me… every time I look at her, I feel an overwhelming amount of love pouring from my heart to her, for her.
*I’ve been singing to the babies. I sing regular lullabies (making them fit for two babies and not one) and I then I make up songs. In the shower. 🙂 Songs that have lyrics like, “…and even though I’m so sick, I love you so, so, so/I’d suffer far more, ten times over just to have you with us though….” usually I try to make it rhyme and go to some sort of tune like “You are My Sunshine”. It doesn’t always turn out well but I think the babies like it. Occasionally I can hear Gina laughing from the other room.
* The next ultra sound is a week from tomorrow, Monday, May 2nd. I’ll be in my 10th week, close to the 11th. If all looks good there, we’ll start telling the world. It’s odd to still be carrying such a secret (and honestly, more than three people this week alone have guessed). I’m really looking forward to that ultrasound. It seems like a long wait, this three week chunk and while we have only a 5% chance of miscarriage at this point, I still will feel so much more calm and feel this is all so much more real after than next ultrasound.