23 Weeks and Growing Strong

Seems like not much has happened but then seems like so much has happened.

The 22wk ultrasound last week was made extra sweet because it landed on the exact day of Pema’s birthday and she came along. She saw our little girls inside me! Such a sweet gift for us all. The babes each were head down facing each other (but likely to move by the end of the day the tech said) and even fist bumped each other for a special show for us. It’s incredible to see how interactive they are with each other. This was a new layer of really getting how related they are already. They are siblings now, not just when they come out. Already sisters. They have never– even from conception–known a world without the other. It’s pretty damn awesome.

Now that I’m three weeks in to feeling all the way better, we’ve been cleaning up the backyard (just in time for the sun), put the chickens in their run, catching up on a cleaner house (it went undone for a good few months there… again, more practice for what’s to come), and getting out and about shopping and test driving strollers, etc. In some ways, feels like we haven’t made huge headway because everything looks the same around here… but in about 6-8 weeks, we’ll have a nursery where our adult-hang our room is now and we’ll have furniture moved all around, etc.

This past week was a big week of fun, festivities, friends and baby planning stuff.

Hospital Tour
There is not a lot to say about this other than we did the tour and the facilitator was great. She gave awesome suggestions on everything from music, parking, pre-registering, to nakedness. We were able to see the laboring room we’d be most of the time but not the OR (operating room) where I’ll deliver. When she talked about C-sections I cried. Granted I’m all hormonal but still, that’s what happened. In the end, the tour was really good to see where we’ll be and sort of helped us think about who we may want to be there (not much room for many) and how we’ll work around some of the silly medical absurdities that are not necessary but rather a convenience for the hospital. Again, I have my midwife and Gina advocating so I really trust and feel in good hands. Nonetheless, I’m processing it all as it’s part of my unique journey.

Doula Magic
We had our first session with our Doula. Years ago I traded services with the best doula in town, Jesse Henderson, Owner of Mother Tree Birth. I helped her launch and grow her business and she, in turn, would be our doula when our “baby” (now babies) came. Since we last connected (about 5 years ago), Jesse became certified as a Flower Essence Healer and so brought me a package of her special, powerful flower essences. I love them! Many of you know, I’ve always dreamt of being a Homeopath or a Flower Essence lady so this is especially exciting for me. Jesse rubbed my belly and moved into my space with so much love and ease it made me feel different about my pregnancy. More natural. Less fragile. More… I don’t know– just good. We sat on the couch and I got all the emotional support that I wanted.

One of my favs...LOVE that belly!

Lastly, and maybe most interesting, we did a pain coping exercise. Gina and I held ice cubes in our hands for 1 minute (clearly, not at all the intensity of a surge/contraction but about the amount of time of one). We each got to see how we worked with the sensation and discomfort. Then, we did a few other methods of pain coping that taught each of us about our best ways of coping. More importantly, it taught Gina and I MY best ways of coping. Gina is already an amazing birth partner. I feel so damn lucky to have her. I told her, even if she wasn’t my wife, I’d want her in labor and delivery with me!

Jesse, our Doula giving me belly-love.

Friends Turn Forty!
This week, two of my besties turned 40. Pema on the 27th and Krista on the 29th. Both had really, really wonderful, lovely celebrations that lasted late into the evening (and so did I, yeah!). It was so great to feel well, celebrate with them and be in the world all happy and knocked up.

Krista's 40th!

Pema's 40th!

Weightless
By Saturday I was pretty wiped out. Gina was too but she had to work and 8-hour shift. 🙁 So, having time alone, I read, ate, slept, and eventually got myself into a cute pink bathing suit my friend Sonja loaned me and waddled on down to our local public pool (yes, I now officially waddle). My feet had been swelling and my rib (while on the mend, had a little backslide in a yoga class) still hurting and Jesse (doula) said swimming would be great for both. So, off I went.

When I first got in, I didn’t really notice the weight taken off me. Maybe I was too into how good and cool that water felt. Or maybe I was shocked by how much I COULDN’T swim like I used to! This belly, all the weight, my rib… just the sheer awkwardness of it all! It’s a shame I was alone because I was cracking myself up… I felt like a sea turtle, flailing my arms just to move an inch. Quite shocking given I’ve been a strong, solid swimmer for decades. So, I just stuck to the side of the pool and stretched and floated. Ahhh, that turned out to be way more my style. After about 30 minutes of wading around, I got out of the pool. I was even more shocked to find that with each step out of the pool, I felt like I was gaining another 50 pounds. I felt incredibly heavy! The weight was intense. No wonder pregnant women like the water so much! 30minutes later I was back in. In between wading time I soaked up the sun and allowed a man who seemed to fixated with my pregnant body to stare and flirt with me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get these days!

This other really lovely thing happened… hard to put into words really but here’s the upshot. Whenever I imagined being pregnant, I always dreamt and hoped that it would be in the summer time. I love the feel of the sun on my skin and I wanted to feel that pregnant– and on my pregnant belly. During all the years that I tried to get pregnant, whenever I’d be at the pool (for lap swimming) I’d see all the pregnant mamas doing their water aerobics, the little ones getting swim lessons and the older kids splashing and playing around. It would be such a bittersweet time for me and the longing I felt then was deep. Yesterday, however, the longing was vanished and in its place was pure love, gratitude, joy as I stared down at my tummy (yes, with weird guy watching) and just was in awe that we get to do this. That I get to be pregnant. I watched all the families at the pool and thought, “Next year, that’ll be Gina and I here with each of our girls in hand, wading around in the pool, getting drunk on their little smiles and squeals.” It was a “dream come true” kind of day in that way. It may seem little and small but it sure felt big to me. Not only did that water leave me weightless but the whole experience took any last bit of “heavy” out of my heart.

Far Away Connections
Last week I had two Skype sessions. One with my sister Rhonda’s kids (from London) visiting my Mom and my sister Diana (and family) in Boulder, CO. The other with my longtime friend, Jen C. on the east coast. Besides being so good to see each other and connect live, it was super fun to watch the looks on their faces when I showed off my belly. As Jen put it, “The pictures on the blog give you an idea, but holycow, there’s nothing like seeing that belly 3-D! You are SO pregnant!” I showed my boobs to Jen, too, and she was equally shocked. They are like a party trick, these days, I’ll tell ya.

I also was lucky enough to get an in-person visit from dear friend, Tricia. We’ve known know each other since grammar school (3rd grade)! She lives in California but was visiting her sister up here in Oregon/Washington. Tricia has two boys but was able to carve out a little 1:1 time for just she and I. It was, of course, too short but an incredible gift to visit even for a few hours. We ate, took pics, talked it up and even ran an errand… as if we lived in the same city. It was really so nice.

Tricia and Regina... friends for 30 years!

Twin Talk
Gina and I got together with a few fantastic friends who happen to be twin mamas (and one papa!). It was SO, SO great. We got the down-low on everything from bodily functions, hospital advice, first month, co-sleeping, what to do with two when you are solo and the shit hits the fan, strollers, cars, routines, etc. In the end, we walked away feeling normalized in so many ways, really gotten and much more prepared. They all had different parenting styles but with twins, we fast learned, it levels the playing field and there are certain things that they all had in common- that simply can’t be by much choice anymore.

We also felt like we got a good sense of how crazy and difficult it could be with two: a reality check of sorts. They talked about listening to their friends with one baby and how they might stare into each other’s eyes for hours on end… uh uh. Doesn’t happen so much with two. Seems it’s a different sort of bonding that happens. Also seems like the sleep thing and all that might be a bit hairier, too… BUT, we learned, after about 6 months and then again around 18 months… things begin to get much easier and much better. Maybe even with a few added perks. So, we know we can never be fully prepared, that it’s different for every family. Still, we’ll take the sage advice from all of them (and many books, doulas, midwives, etc.) and just keep staying present to finding our own way in this new, wonderful journey we’ll have together.

Body Update
I can still feel the stretching pulling in my upper stomach muscles and fascia. By the end of the day, it’s pretty dang uncomfortable.  It pings and pangs and oooh, ouchy. A bit more disconcerting, however, is a strange numbness I’ve developed at the top of my stomach, under my left breast. I’m not sure if it’s intestines getting squished or my bras just too tight (I have outgrown the two that I purchased, which were 34G’s) or what. I asked my doula about it and she was puzzled. I searched online– nothing. I asked my midwife and she says that numbing in general is common (especially in the arms where I have it as well) and it’s likely just more fascia pulling and stretching and nothing to worry about. I talked to a friend today who said she got numb there, too, so chalking it up to one more weird pregnancy thing.

I’m still sleeping pretty well. It’s very interrupted with peeing and having to move to a new position every hour or so (due to arms numbing). But when I do get back to bed or roll over, I go right back to sleep which I’m grateful for.

When I get up, I’m often surprised at the weight of my belly and breasts. Both heavy and hot. I’m also surprised at the pressure and sort of bruising sensation on my pelvis and pelvic bone.

My feet decided to swell just this past week. The soles feel sore and bruised as well… another thing that can be common in pregnancy but almost universal with twins because the weight gain is so much more rapid and the feet can suddenly be “shocked” by the extra poundage. So, ice baths, elevating and a few new pair of crocs have helped tremendously. Still, sometimes, in a big day, by evening, I avoid standing and walking at all costs cuz it just plain hurts.

I got the best massage of my life a few days ago. So grateful and helped me feel so much better!

I’m pretty stuffy… common for pregnancy and still a bit gaggy every now and then. Have not vomited in weeks now! Yah! Though, still feel waves of nausea occasionally… particularly when I smell or have to choke down cooked chicken. Ugh.

I can feel the babies moving more now, too. Sometimes just little bumps and taps and flutters, other times I feel the stretching, pressure and pulling when one or both of them are trying to do a full 180 inside such a small cavitity. I love all these sensations more than anything. When we did the ultrasound, we got to see how much each of the girls move (so much so, they had to come back in the room and re-do some measurements because our baby A just wouldn’t stop her personalized yoga). It’s surprising to me, however, how much of their movement I CANNOT feel. At least for now. Only 5 3/4 months now, it makes me wonder what I’ll be feeling inside me at 7, 8, 9 months pregnant when they really don’t have any room!

Questions
Now that I’m showing, like really showing, people have been asking us all kinds of questions.

Names
Friends, family and strangers alike want to know about names. As you know, we are keeping those names close to our chest. We had a nice long list and have now narrowed it down to just a few. Truth be told, a couple (one for each) are rising to the surface but still, we are committed to seeing our little cherubs first, meeting them and then choosing which name fits who and if either of those names work for them.

Quick aside from the “questions” heading: Yesterday, Gina randomly said, “Say your babies names.” Almost a quick (soft) demand. I was walking down the stairs, I stopped in my tracks and said the first two names that came to me. Then I burst into tears. I ran to her and hugged her. Makes me cry right now even thinking about it. Again, I’m hormonal, but there was something, in that moment, that I felt energetically that I felt deeply in my heart… the joy, the vulnerability, the ecstasy of us having this miracle, this gift. It was a memorable, sweet and profound moment for sure.

Baby Booty
Yep. Folks keep asking for our list of wants. How lucky are we? So, we’re working on it. Sheesh…not so easy it turns ut. It’s a whole new world and wading through needs and wants and “green” vs wasteful or harmful. A lot to take in. Truth, I’m loving it though. I get to do this!

The lovely Poker Girls are throwing us a shower for which I’m so, so grateful and excited. Save the date: September 11th. We had concerns about this being the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 but in the end deciding what better day to celebrate life. And so it goes.

The baby registry is still in the works but if you want the link for a sneak peek… here ’tis. http://babyli.st/gina-and-reginas-baby-booty. Invites to the shower are coming soon.

Donor Questions
Okay, so…again, now that I’m showing, we are getting more and more questions from strangers. Some of the questions are shameless, invasive and well…dumb. So Gina and I have been on the spot enough times now that we think are prepared with how we want to answer these questions as they come. Strangely enough, many of the questions are the same (so I guess that’s to our benefit). Here’s how they sound:

So, who’s the real mom? (As opposed to the fake one?)

Who’s the Dad? (Our children will be having two moms. No dad. Not sure if you saw, there are two sets of breasts here. But if what you want to know is, who is our baby’s biological donor? Well, that’s reserved for friends and family to know. Not for you stranger on the street, whom it matters little to, other than to satisfy your curiosity and tell your friends a good story.)

How did you guys do it? (Would I ask you this question if you were pregnant?) Again, friends and family no prob… but strangers?

Who did you get to be the donor? Why are people so fascinated by this?

Where’d you get the sperm from? I don’t even know where to start here. Do I tell them the name of the clinic? No. They don’t want to know that. Do I say it’s none of your business? Do I ask them where they got their sperm from? Really, it’s such an awkward position to be asked this by people I don’t know?!

Like I said, coming from friends some of these questions are harmless, but coming from complete- I mean COMPLETE- strangers, it’s just shocking to me. To boot, I am guessing that if Gina and I were a man and woman with infertility issues (needed a sperm or egg) they would never dream of asking where that couple got their sperm or who the Dad is. That is something that is considered taboo to ask in our society. Apparently not when you are a lesbian couple. It’s just so strange to me that because we are two women, and maybe a novelty for some (?), people give themselves permission to ask very intimate personal questions they wouldn’t of other couples.

If you think it’s occasional, think again. We have been asked each of these questions ALL just this week alone. In fact, I was just asked by a women walking by our house (she likes to pet our cat Neko) about an hour ago as I was writing the earlier part of this post. I’d never seen her before in my life. She mentioned something about how grateful I must be for a cool summer given I’m pregnant. I agreed. All nice so far, right? Then she said, “So, where did you? How did you? Oh, well, I guess that’s really personal, huh?” She was the one person this week that caught herself, bless her. I responded with a gentle, “Yah, it is.” and a light smile. But the urge is strong and she couldn’t help herself; as if to say, well, at least tell me this… she followed quickly with, “I mean, do you know him?” I just said “Nope.”, changed the subject back to my cat and said good-bye. Why does she need to know this?

From standing in line to restaurant seatings, people are fascinated by us! Who knew?! We’ve come up with some polite but serious ways of handling/setting boundaries/educating and then we’ve come up with some really funny responses as well. I guess we’ll just use whatever strikes us in that moment. Godspeed to the person who comes next.

If you have any good comeback lines or ways of handling this… bring it on! We are clearly in very unchartered territory.

Dreams
I’ve been having all kinds of weird pregnancy dreams. Some are textbook : dreaming about twin kittens and twin puppies, to old flames and celebrities.

This week though, I had two “stress” dreams both signaling for me to slow down. Most recent was a dream last night I had about miscarrying both babies and I could have prevented it. The other was a dream about wrapping up work, building the nursery, taking all the baby and birth classes… all in September. I worried about doing too much when I maybe I should be on modified bed rest. So, I’m listening to all that and following my intuition and inner knowing. I’ve got my feet up all day today and taking good care. I am also visualizing our girls, full-term, happy and healthy.

Again, I am so happy and grateful to be pregnant, with it comes this extreme vulnerability — the fear of losing it all in a moment. The brain wants to guard and I’m doing my work to keep relaxing into the beauty of what’s so NOW (not what happened in the past). So far, it’s working out just fine. 🙂

Until next time… xoxo