This month, all within the span of a week, I will celebrate my very first Mother’s Day (Gina’s too for that matter), my 40th birthday and my girls turning 6 months old. Wow!
I’m feeling an abundance of love and the vibe of celebration in the air.
We Made It!
You might recall that I’ve been told over and over again by other twin mamas that 6 months is the magical mark where things turn around (and then again at a year and 18 months). For me, I actually felt my first huge relief right around 4 months old when putting them to sleep became much easier and my body began to regain itself again. And now, on the eve of 6 months, their sleeping patterns have m changed, making life, yet again, a large bit easier.
It happened about 2 weeks ago when 3 nights in a row Calliope wouldn’t go to sleep at her normal 6pm. She just laid in bed awake. Not fussing, not even bored, just giggling to herself in bed finally falling asleep about 4.5 hours from her last nap instead of her normal 90 minutes or 3 hours. I thought back and realized this same thing had happened for Genevieve, too, a few days back. So, one night after they were asleep it dawned on me that their sleep patterns may be changing again as they approach 6 months. I picked up my sleep book and jumped to the section marked 6-9 months and there is was clear as day: “Sometime around 6 months from due date your twins will drop their evening nap. If they continue their evening nap they’ll likely not go to bed at the same early bedtime they have been used to. From here forward you’ll likely see just two naps a day with each nap stretching into as much as one to two blissful hours of sleep. They’ll sleep a total of about 2.5 hours during the day.” Stunning.
I went back out to the white board we keep and sure enough, their naps were getting longer in the morning and afternoon but were spotty, still. Hmm. Could that really be why Callie wasn’t sleeping at night? I wondered what would happen if they didn’t sleep from 2pm-6pm (bedtime). I couldn’t imagine them being awake 4+ hours! But, seemed like it was worth a try to support them and see what happens.
The next morning after they woke up (between 6:30-7:30am) I put them down for their morning nap later than normal, at 9am and they fell right out. They slept 2 and 3 hours each! I could hardly believe this! Then, I put them down again later in the day around 1pm and they slept another hour or so. Now the real test… staying up from 2-6pm… a whopping four hours! What would we do with ourselves this whole time? I’ve been so used to a 90-120 minute turn around. We read books, played games, and took a nice long brisk walk. We came back around 5pm and started bedtime routine. The girls were SUPER sleepy but not like super fussy-sleepy, just clearly ready. So far so good. At 6pm they were OUT on the money. No fussing, tossing or turning or staying awake. Just out. Not only that, but they slept until 4am before they needed to wake and feed. Are you kidding me?
The next day we got up and did the same. Each day is still an experiment and doesn’t always go as planed (construction outside woke Callie early one day, Genevieve woke too late from a nap another day, Neko woke them both up yesterday) but each day that goes by I get better and timing their TWO (instead of three or four) naps and they get better at sleeping longer.
We’ve now settled into a nice little routine that sometimes looks something like this:
6:30-7am Genevieve wakes (Gina and I take turns on who gets up with her and who sleeps in with Callie). Diaper change and play time for G.
7:30-8am Callie wakes up. Diaper change. Plays a few minutes.
7:45-8am Feed both babies.
8am or 8:30am Camille arrives. She plays, reads books, and sometimes takes them for a walk. I eat breakfast or pump milk or shower.
9am Camille and I put both girls down to sleep.
9:30 I shower, prep some food for later when Camille is gone and clean kitchen from night before (or, Camille may do that if I’m doing other things). If there is extra time (which there usually is not) I will do any of the following: pay a bill, open snail mail, make a call, read email.
10-10:30 Girls wake up.
Diaper and clothes change. Maybe a bath. G gets nursed and C drinks breast milk from a bottle. We say bye to Camille at 10:30 or 11am. The girls and I go for a nice long walk. We read books. We play.
We do all this until about 12:30 depending on the last wake up time.
12-1 Somewhere in this hour we do diaper change and head down for naptime.
I usually don’t get the whole 1 or 1.5 hours of their sleep to myself because they may go to sleep and/or wake up as much as an 30-45 minutes from each other. I usually get about 20-30 minutes to quickly make and eat my lunch sitting somewhere other than the floor. I switch over laundry, load or unload dishwasher, collect and read the mail, pee. If I’m super lucky and get longer, like 45 minutes, I rest/stretch my body. Usually I don’t get to do this last one but it’s a good day when I do—even if it only lasts about 10 minutes. (Today my back was so sore I lay flat on the floor and actually moaned it both hurt and was such a relief.)
2 or 2:30 Girls wake up with huge grins; happy and well rested.
Then we do more of the same! We play, read and go for a brisk walk, this time we walk for about an hour. I make some phone calls both to friends and for businessy stuff. Sometimes we walk to New Seasons and I grab dinner for Gina and I.
5pm Bedtime routine. If Gina is home we do it together but about half the week she’s working in the evening and I go solo.
We make bottles of breast milk combined with goats milk formula, change diapers and change into comfy jammies. If I’m solo I put them both in a crib and feed them both bottles. If Gina is home I hold them in the rocker and feed them bottles (and I’ll nurse Genevieve) while Gina reads and signs their favorite books to them. Then we each burp them, turn off all the lights, turn on the sound and wave machines and set them in their cribs. We soothe them a few minutes and then tip-toe out of the room. We sometimes have to go back in a few times to help them fully fall out. Or, sometimes, if one baby isn’t quite ready to sleep, we put her in our room so she can she flop around and make noise if she wants.
6pm-6:15 I head downstairs with the monitor on and I pick up the house; living room, kitchen (which is already a mess again from all the bottles and such), laundry.
6:30 I start dinner. Sometimes back and forth into the nursery if they are not sleeping quickly but since this new routine that rarely happens.
7pm-7:30 Eat dinner
8pm Clean up from dinner.
8:15 Pump milk. Write in blog or do email, pay bills or other personal logistic stuff while pumping. Sometimes read or watch a little tv, too.
9pm Get ready for bed. Vitamins, teeth, face, etc. Prep all the nursing gear into our room. Sometimes take a hot shower if body is killing me from all the physicality of the day (and the weight of my breasts)—which is often.
9:30pm In bed. Sometimes lights out. Sometimes I read just a bit or play a few iPhone games.
10pm Gina usually home by now. She comes in the house quietly and slips into bed, usually asleep before me even (lucky dog). Girls usually rustle a bit at this hour. Like they know, it’s often JUST as we are falling asleep. 🙂 We listen for them and sometimes go in to soothe and console a minute or two. Sometimes, like lately as they have been teething, we’ll have to do quite a bit of this. On other nights, we don’t hear a peep for hours.
3:30-4:30am Nighttime Feeding: Can happen anywhere in this range. The last two weeks it’s been around 4am. And it’s just one feeding!
5am Back to bed. The girls in their room and us in ours.
6am The girls stir. We bring them in our room. G sleeps another half hour or so and Callie until about 7:30 or 8am.
Whoo hoo! We start all over again.
As rigorous (and relentless) as this new world is, it’s also great in that there is way more of a regular rhythm to the day, the girls seem to be thriving in it and I get a bit more opportunity to eat and have some time to get a few necessities done. Plus, we have 4 hours later in the day where we can actually go do things like errands or play dates. And I’m super excited that I’m getting plenty of walking and exercising in which is great because I’ve been feeling pretty ready for that. In the evening I even get a little time to myself. Not much, but it’s enough for now. Sleep is more plentiful too. The girls stir a couple times a night before the feeding so our sleep is still interrupted but mostly its so much better.
The Challenges
The two things that are harder now are:
1. They are heavy. Oy.
2. They bore easily!
With the weight of my breasts and the growing weight of carrying around 2 babies all day, lifting, reaching, changing diapers, hauling in and out of cribs, strollers, slings, etc… it’s (quiet literally) back breaking. Shout out and special thanks to a dear old college friend, Dayna, who just gifted me a 90 minutes massage for a mother’s Day gift. I wept when I found out. I go next week and it can’t come soon enough.
As for the girls’ interests, where they could be entertained for hours with the same toys on the same living room floor up until now, today they bore quickly. They want walks, outside, different people and sights… and I can’t say that I blame them. So, rain or shine, we head out every single day- sometimes 2-3 times a day even. Soon we’ll do more playdates and such but right now, it’s just so fricking hard to get TWO of them anywhere! Walking daily is our first step.
Other than that (above), what they say is true! While it’s still so very challenging, it’s much easier. And I have a feeling it’ll keep getting easier… except the physical part. I think that’ll keep getting harder. Especially as they become mobile. And so it goes…
Gina and I
Knock on wood, k? We’re doing awesome. Laughing, loving. Having more intimacy verbally as well as physically and overall looking out for the other person more than ourselves again (survival days may be gone?). We’re working as a team with the girls and the move (see below), the girls’ health and giving each other the breaks we need. I am more in love with Gina than I ever have been. Watching her with those girls fills my heart like I never knew was possible. Makes me teary now even as a write. The girls are crazy in love with her too! When she gets home from work they light up like the sun and giggle and laugh until they are all worn out. Be still my heart.
The Girls
First of all, I am so head over heels madly in love with my daughters I can hardly stand it. I just sit and stare and stare and stare and wonder how we got so lucky. They are smart, bright, beautiful and they’re ours!
They are rolling and flipping all over all the time now.
Both girls love standing while we hold their hands.
They love it when we hold them up over our heads “flying” them in the air (best giggles ever)!
They sleep on their tummies – both of them—now. Sometimes on their sides. Sometimes with their butts up in the air (so damn cute).
Callie sat up on her own this week! Took a quick pic of it. So exciting. G is close behind.
Neither is quite crawling yet but they sure are trying! They are scooting and rotating and are never in the place I left them when I pop out of the room and come back.
Both are really vocal now and have great eye hand coordination.
The thing that people comment on most is that they are engaged, active and alert and have amazing eye contact… and that they are happy!
They are not just smiling and giggling anymore, they are full-out laughing when they feel like it. It is absolutely AMAZING! My heart fills and I am fed for days just on any one laugh session.
They really respond to us now; our voices, our facial expressions, our ASL signs. They understand what we are saying in a more sophisticated way than last month. Huge cognitive leaps this month it seems.
They respond to their names now, too!
While Genevieve came into the world a little weary and uncertain, she sure does seem to like where she’s landed now. Her personality is unfolding and she is more self-expressed now…she giggles and smiles more (though still less so than Calliope) and just this past week has shown us that she indeed has a temper. More than once, she has taken any given toy, screamed in upset and thrown it on the ground. I can’t help but love that she is so fully expressing herself. Gina says she’s getting more like me. Hmm… 😉
They each have a stuffed animal that they love. Calliope her Monkey and Genevieve her Horse. Our friend Lisa gave them to us and they are just perfect. They sleep with each one.
The girls are HUGE! We go in for our six month check up next week so we’ll get all their stats then, but my money says G is 16+ pounds and C a whopping 14. We’ll see!
Milestone: We gave them solid food! First food was banana. The whole thing was hilarious- Gina and I all nervous going back and forth about how to do it right. Poor girls, they were like, “WTF? Chill out and give us the damn yellow mushy thing already!” In the end, they totally were NOT interested but we mostly let them just feel it and experience it in their hands and mouths which is what we want the beginning of their solid food stage to be about anyway. Since then, they have had small tastes of apple, pear and avocado. They have these little mesh nets with a handle that we put frozen breast milk or pieces of apples in both for teething and for trying new foods.
They are cutting teeth intensely right now and it’s hard for everyone. Poor babes.
Genevieve is still enamored with Calliope. Reaching, touching for her when she’s near and lighting up when she’s been away and comes back into view. We have a theory that it may be because Calliope left the nest suddenly when she was born and G must have been like, “Hey! Where’d my sis go?” It must have been shocking for her. We think perhaps G is always watching and reaching as a means to ensure her safety and perhaps that her sister doesn’t leave suddenly again.
C loves G too, it’s just that there are sooooo many other interesting things in the world and she is one curious little monkey. That said, when it comes right down to it, if C is upset she doesn’t settle well unless G is in the room, settled and near her.
They still reach and hold hands all the time but now it’s accompanied by ear pulling, hair pulling and scratching. Funny though, usually neither seems to mind. I’ve read that’s a twin thing. Go figure.
They each are growing their hair now. It’s curly! It’s also soft and smells so good I just sit with my nose to their heads for minutes at a time. When they get out of the bath is the best, all the little curly cues sit atop their little noggins; makes Gina and I giggle. After a day or so they go flat and/or wavy so it’s hard to catch a pic but will do so when I can. I keep trying to imagine these little girls with full heads of curly hair. I can’t wait to see how they will look when they are 4, 5, 6 years old. Hard to imagine.
Their legs are getting so chunky. Yeah! They have little rolls and creases in their legs and arms that warms my heart. C hardly nurses anymore (which is a source of sadness for me) so G is a bit chunkier, though C has always been a little peanut so that might just be her body type.
The best new development is that they each say “Mamamamama”, or, sometimes just “Mmma!” Developmentally I know they may not actually be saying Mama or Mommy but still, the first time I heard it, I about fell over. It happens more and more now (with our encouragement) and we love it. What will they call us? Who knows. We started calling ourselves each a certain name; me Mama and Gina Mommy… but that became so confusing we agreed that we’ll each be Mama or Mommy and we’ll just let them decide as they get older…which was likely going to happen anyway, right?
The Move
Finally, after years of thinking and talking about it, Gina and I are selling our home. Before you ask yourself if we are crazy, the answer is Yes.
We’ll have to short-sell it because it’s under about $50K. And, it’ll be a total pain to move with two 8-9 month old babies BUT the truth is, I can’t wait. I’m so tired of this house that is too big for us and mortgage that is bringing us down. This is a 2-salary house and we’ve had one to one and half salaries for too long now. In hindsight, we should have cut our losses years ago when we saw everything tanking and knew we wanted to have kids and stay home with them. But, we kept having all kinds of “good” reasons to stay and let ourselves be talked into trying to make it work another year.
Now, we are clearer than ever what we want. We want a smaller house, a simpler way of living and a one-income mortgage. We’ll take a hit to our credit for the short-sale but somehow I’m no longer worked up about that (I was for years). It’ll all sort itself out, I have no doubt. The only thing I care about now is that we downsize so that we can afford our girls get at least one of their mamas with them full-time for as long as they want us. We worked so hard to have these girls, they grow so fast… and what I know about somatics and trauma and early childhood dev, it simply feels utterly important to me to be here with them now. I know already that they’ll be gone half the day at school before I know it.
Where will we move? We have no idea. On the docket for the coming weekends is neighborhood window shopping. We’ll rent for now which actually feels like a bit of a relief in some ways too. We’ll likely move to another part of town just to change things up a bit. We love NE but we’ve been here 11 years now. Perhaps the SW is calling us?
I’ll be writing again soon with deets on the girls stats, what we learn about vaccinations (hot topic), breastfeeding and more on the early May celebrations.
Until soon,
regina
p.s. I’m making a little iMovie for their 6 month birthday… who knows when I’ll finish but stay tuned!
Miss Calliope sitting up for the first time ever!
Sleep Chart at 5.5 months... getting down to two naps and sleeping between 2-3 hours a day!
Gina with the girls 5months 3 wks old.
Camille taking Genevieve out for walk. 5.5 mo
Gina at bedtime with the girls (usually much dimmer lights)
The girls' dresser... filled with gifts from all their aunties who love them so...
Calliope and Genevieve on their 6mo birthday!
Callie 6 months
Genevieve 6 months
G and C holding hands and playing... LOVE this photo!