Month Two — Lessons in the proverbial “They”

“They” told me a lot before my babies came and even once they were here.

They said that it would get easier after 4 weeks, that the babies would have growth spurts at 4 weeks, 6 weeks and 8 weeks. They said the colic and upset bellies would peak at their worst around week 6-8 and get better after that. They told me nursing would get easier, that the babes would eventually sleep longer spells, and that we would start to find a bit of a rhythm in our new life. They said I’d rarely eat a hot meal (much less eat a whole meal at once) and that my mama-bear instincts would kick into overdrive. I could go on.

All of it, thus far, is true.

Month two was so different than month one. Hard to say it was better because nothing was sweeter than those first hours, days and week. But that time was also incredibly difficult and challenging emotionally and physically.

Over the past 4 weeks (yes, the girls are 8 weeks old now!) we just took it all one day at a time and before we knew it, a lot changed. For me personally, I feel well again! Despite getting a little cold and having 8 (EIGHT) ingrown toenails that are total pain, I feel so good again. I am mostly recovered from surgery, all my side effects are gone, my boob situation is mostly under control (I still get clogged ducts occasionally, but thanks to a good friend and a rockin’ lactation consultant, I know how to handle that and keep it at bay) and I LOVE eating again. Hurray!

Breastfeeding
Nursing is not yet what I’d call easy but it’s getting easier. It’s an incredibly difficult thing. I always imagined it would be so easy, so natural. I wasn’t ever sure what women were talking about when they said it was hard. Now I know.

Having two babies to nurse has extra challenges of course but I’m meeting them daily and doing a really, really great job. Yes, I’m tooting my own horn here. Truth is, there is nothing I’ve been more proud of in my entire life than exclusively breastfeeding these girls. Every day I do it, it’s an accomplishment. I’m lucky enough to be reminded of that by nurses, midwives, lactation consultants, over and over.

Calliope is almost off the nipple shield completely and probably in a months’ time will be “barebacking” (as my lactation consultant calls it) 100%. Genevieve has a really high pallette so even though we had her frenulum clipped, it’s still painful for me for her to nurse without the shield, AND she hates it. She much prefers the comfort of the shield. So, we practice and slowly make progress but if she never gets off it, I suppose that’s ok. She’s getting what she needs.

The last thing to say here is that (despite how hard it’s been) I really love nursing. I mean, I LOVE it. I love their little hands kneading me when the nurse. I love feeling their soft hair and watching the curls grow every day. I love staring at their eyelashes and little noses. I love playing with their little feet and legs. I love nourishing them from a perfect food my body makes just for them. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever done.

Health Stats
The girls are getting all of what they need! Genevieve is now over ten pounds! Her sister, Callie, is a full pound behind her. That said, she’s a bit shorter though. Callie is about 19 inches and Genevieve (who we have taken to calling Genevee-vee, which may turn into VeeVee, instead of Evie), is 21 inches! She’s in the 75th percentile. Callie in the 50th. We are so, so happy that our girls are healthy, healthy, healthy.

All that said, after I caught a cold, the girls caught it. 8 weeks is just too young to get sick so we have to stay in side to care for their lungs and avoid a slippery slope called pnemonia. Why they got sick so early when they have good breast milk you ask? I did too. Our pediatrician said she’s not sure why but she sees twins get sick earlier than other babies. And so it goes. They are snotty and such but Gina uses the “snotter-a-tor”, our made-up name for a device wherein she sucks the snot out of their sinuses through a long tube. It’s totally disgusting (she gets big points for this) and fabulously effective. The first night I heard VeeVee wake up all snotty, I was beside myself. “They” told me that having a child is like wearing your heart on the outside instead of the inside and that is exactly how it feels. She was crying and I was crying (and blaming myself, which I got over in the morning, thank you Auntie Soso). It was awful. So, we’re doing a number of things the pediatrician recommends and they seem to be getting better.

They have each has gassy bellies and colicky evenings. Sometimes both babies screaming at the same time for hours. I won’t lie. It’s terribly difficult. So awful I cry or have to leave the room or something. But amazingly enough, I wake up in the morning and it’s a new day and things have the hope or getting a bit better. And in fact they are. Already less spitting up, gas, etc. As their tiny digestive tracts improve (and I learn what not to eat), that pain they go through diminishes, thank goodness. While I hate them being in that kind of belly pain, I’ve learned a lot about how to comfort them and I’ve learned that I can really, really trust my instincts. I’m a mama and I use my mama instincts- turns out, they work.

Calliope
Good god, she’s a cute, happy baby. Dark, curly eye lashes with big dark green (for now) eyes and little ruby lips make her look like a little Italian angel.

She continues with her funny facial expressions (comical, not commercial!) and today she gave me a real, live, genuine, intentional smile for the first time. It was BLISSFUL! Genevieve gave me her first smile a day or two before but I didn’t have a camera on me. It was amazing. With Callie, I happened to have my camera right there and as I kept making a smiley face at her, she kept beaming so I snapped a shot. I sent it to Gina who teared up. It makes me sad that she missed that “first” and will likely miss other firsts. I am even more grateful for her working for our family.

Calliope loves people and the world. She’s EXCELLENT at making her needs known. She has a huge set of lungs and she is not shy about using them. She is still a voracious eater and she’ll go from 0 to 60 to let us know she’s hungry. It makes me feel like the world is going to end if I don’t get her food NOW and then, all in a moment, she’s sucking and smiling and happy and the world is a better place. When it’s not difficult, it’s terribly cute. Genevieve just watches all of this in wonder, which is sometimes even funnier.

Callie, it turns out, was bit scrunched up in the womb and sort of “stuck” with her head cocked sideways. As as result, her neck is shorter on one side, making her cock her head to the side most of the time. It looks cute but it’s not really great for her. She also has an ear that isn’t quite “pinned” back and so it sticks out a little. Poor girl, she was all crooked while growing. She’ll be okay though. Gina says she’ll just make sure to have long hair. Ha ha.We get cranial sacral for both the girls regularly. Mostly for Callie right now just due to costs. Below are a few pics of her getting worked on by her chiropractor, Becky.

Becky with Callie- you can see her neck tilted to the right.

Becky showing us how to do adjustments at home with Callie.

Becky working her magic. Callie LOVES the adjustments as you can tell.

Callie also continues to live up to her name by singing, cooing and being melodic. She does this whilst eating, sleeping or just playing. It’s so amazing, I can’t get enough of it.

Listen here to a 30 second clip of her nursing session today. Mind you, I was tandem nursing– meaning, Genevieve was nursing as well, just quiet as a mouse. All you can hear is Callie. Mamas, prepare for ‘letdown’.

Callie nursing

Calliope's First smile!

Genevieve
Grace. She is pure grace, this one. She is so different from her sister. She is softer in her ways. I guess the biggest news about her is that she is pretty sensitive we are learning. Our pediatrician spoke with us about how to work with her in the world (which is not a great place for sensitive human beings). She is sensitive to people (and their energies), foods (that I eat), stimulation (being out and about or even television and music), lights, smells (very sensitive to smells), and to change. So, we talk with her about how to put bubbles of light around her to protect herself from too much stimulation. We put bubbles around her. We try to keep a gentle rhythm to our days. When we know we are going somewhere like a party, we make sure to be home the day before and the day after so she can regroup (i.e. cry a lot to process it all). And, I am learning how to make requests from people that may hurt their feelings or be highly awkward (i.e. I need to take her back from someone because their lotion, shampoo, scent is too strong and it’s upsetting her- or, I even *think* it may be upsetting her). It’s not easy but it’s what she needs and in that way, it’s easy now as her mother. In the past, I could never even have done that. Now, the protective instinct kicks in and I just muster up what’s called for and we get by.

Genevieve is not without her funny moments as well. She likes to sleep with her arms stretched out straight, occasionally lifting them high in praise of something that remains yet to be seen. She looks a bit like a mummy, which is a little creepy, but kinda cute, too.

Genevieve's mummy impression in her Auntie Kori's arms

Sisters
Together they are so cute. In the beginning, being near each other was more primal. Now they actually take note of each other. They like being close, watching each other– especially nursing or playing on the ground. One thing that is interesting is when they are both in need, crying or making noise, if one really escalates the other gets quiet immediately. Almost as if to say, “Okay, you need mama more than I do, you go for it.” Who the hell knows what’s going on but I like to think that they are working together, negotiating — like they have from the start.

Help
They said, “Take help whenever and wherever you can get it.” I didn’t think I’d need this much help. I didn’t think I’d ask. But I have and it’s been amazing. Countless food deliveries. People taking time and money to cook and buy food for us and deliver to our doorstep. It’s all been a saving grace. We barely have time to pee much less cook (I write this blog while pumping in the hours where there’s no light outside).

Friends are showing up, taking shifts to help clean the house or just be extra hands when Gina is working… crazy amounts of time they are giving in total. It’s incredibly humbling.

Lastly, we have very dear friends (who shall remain anonymous) gift us $500 for domestic help. Gulp. How do we say thank you? It’s unbelievable. Just so amazing. They said they wanted to give us something that we’d need, that would make a difference and that we’d always remember. They nailed it. We hired a “mother’s helper” 3 days a week for 2 hours a day, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s just enough to help me stay on top of bottles, dishes, laundry, making food and picking up. She was an au pair in Spain and is our good friend’s daughter — we know and trust and love her. She’s fabulous and already I’m so grateful. I’ve been able to, just in this first week, get bills paid, brush my teeth before noon, and make a little food in advance for eating later. Soon, as we all grow more comfortable together, I’ll be able to sleep a bit or even run an errand or two. Ahhh….

We are so grateful for all the help. It’s hard to grasp really, how blessed we are. Mostly, we love that our daughters were born into and living in this level of generosity. We believe that (already) makes a difference to who they are and who they will become.

Gina and I
You know, “they” said that it’s easy to forget each other. That we should make sure to make time to connect, talk and kiss– even occasionally. Before babies came we were committed to not letting the girls drift us apart. Now, eight weeks in, we realize we’ve barely seen each other. Oh, we’ve been in the same house, same bed. In fact, late night feedings have brought some deleriously funny moments (including Gina forgetting to put a diaper on Genevieve and getting peed on in bed at some ungodly hour). It’s been really, really hard and still fun and sweet and good. BUT, looking into each other’s eyes for longer than 2 seconds? Having a nice slow hug or a real kiss even? Well, that’s been few and far between… BUT, it’s getting better. We are not disconnected or bickering even (though there are some tense moments for the most part, we’ve got each other’s backs). It’s more like we are running a marathon side by side. We know we are in it together, we can feel the other RIGHT THERE but we haven’t necessarily faced each other in a while. And so, we are doing that now. We are facing each other. It’s nice. Yesterday we hugged and Gina said, “I love you. (long pause). I forgot how short you are.”

There are so many little things that I could share because like “they” said, every day is filled with new milestones, challenges and victories… but I’d never have time to put them all down. Suffice to say, we are well. For the first time in a long, long time, I feel really good– physically and emotionally. Please note: we are not living in a fairly tale nor are we delusional, it’s hard— last night I was in the hallway crying while Gina was in the bedroom with two very hungry, screaming babies and we were out of pumped milk and my boobs were empty– it was HORRIBLE. But, after we managed that crisis, we went to sleep, woke up, I fed my babies what they needed and that morning Calliope smiled her big huge smile at me- eyes and all. The rest of the day has been heaven. So, yeah, good. Really, really good. I love, love, LOVE being a mommy. Every last drop. Even the parts I hate. Even when I feel like one big giant milk cow only good for my teets. I love it and I would have done anything to have it. Well, hell, I did, didn’t I? I’m so glad the payoff is finally here.

From what “they” say, it just keeps getting better. Hallelujah!