Seven Months and growing …

June 7th the girls will be 7 months old.

So much as happened since I’ve last written. I find myself not wanting to write boring or mundane details and/or  prolific tales (of which I am easily capable of). Then again, it’s the mundane details that make my rich life right now. Perhaps I’ll strike a little balance this segment.

Ceeeeel-a-brate Good Times… C’mon!
The trifecta of celebrations was so blissful. I’ll remember it all for years to come. The girls turned 6 months, I had an amazing 40th birthday party with fabulous friends and Gina and I went to the Rhoddie Garden for Mother’s Day. The weather was gloriously warm the whole time. My evening birthday party at Mint was even outside! It was all gorgeous.

Milestones for the Girls (and for the Mamas)
For my birthday Gina raised a bit of birthday cash wherein I could choose an iPad or the baby highchairs I’d had my eye on for ages. It didn’t even take me 2 seconds after opening the card and being presented with the choice to know which I wanted. My how times have changed.

By the end of the week, we had the girls sitting upright in their Keekaroo chairs with infant inserts and they LOVED it!  At night when I’m closing down the house, I sometimes just stand there and stare at the chairs — stunned still that we have TWO chairs. Two amazing daughters. 

Earlier that week I left the girls in the daytime with someone other than Gina for the first time ever. Camille took exquisite care of them while I attended a solids food class done by our pediatricians’ office– presented by an ND who is also a nutritionist.

A few days later I found myself pouring over the baby food books friends had given me, picking up a few organic items at the grocery store and after the girls were fast asleep on a night Gina was working late, I pranced around in the kitchen making my first batches of food for the girls, drinking a glass of wine and listening to NPR (divine). Carrots, pears and apples (they’d already played with and tasted banana, avocado, mango). I chocked the baby food full of coconut oil, goats milk formula and even butter so they can be sure to get the essential fatty acids for their little growing bodies and brains.  I’ve always loved cooking but this brought a whole new level of joy to the game.

The next day Gina and I sat the girls down in their new chairs and fed them until their little hearts were content. Genevieve was slow to start, more interested in her toy but not unhappy about the experience either. Calliope on the other hand, she was all for it. Gina said it best, “Oh, I get it. I open my mouth and they put that yummy stuff inside!” It’s been about a week since they started eating solid foods and now Genevieve is the steady eater, particularly loving holding whole foods like avocado wedges and pears slices in her hands. Calliope is eating more and more every day. Yesterday and today, the food actually replaced a bottle feeding. It’s funny, that’s how they nursed too. Back and forth with one being more efficient or proficient, then the other. At first Callie was all over the boob. My champion nurser, I used to call her. G took a while to catch on but in the end, slow and steady won the race and today Genevieve is the one who still nurses regularly and effectively from me. My little Callie can’t always do it well enough to get sustenance but we keep trying.

Speaking of Calliope under the heading of milestones… the little peanut is about to crawl! Genevieve is working it slowly, doing a “downward dog” sort of thing and sleeping with her butt up in the air but Callie, well, one morning she decided to raise up on her arms. Later that day she decided to add some knees to the game and the next day she was up on all fours rocking herself forward until boom, she’d fall and then try all over again. It’s happening so fast.

Lastly, just this week we bought a little potty. We are going to start teaching them to go on the potty as much as possible. In most countries this is normal starting at birth. Here in the states we give it a name “Elimination Communication” and then we abbreviate it, “EC”. Typical. Nevertheless, I love the idea. Diaper free as early as a year will be easier for all of us, save us tons of money on diapers and help the environment too. Seems like a win-win. That said, no matter how much I research, I have yet to find anyone that has done this successfully with twins. That’s not going to detour us though. We may not get there as fast as a singleton but we’ll just keep gently bringing the association of peeing and pooping with that new, cute, yellow little potty.

All within a week it seems the girls went from itty bitty babies to bigger babies. We’d left them awake with Camille (they didn’t even seem to notice I was gone), they began using their high chairs, they started on solid foods, Calliope started making her way to crawling, and they started using the potty. A milestone month indeed.

The World is Opening Up
We walk a lot now. The weather has been so great (and even when it isn’t) I put on my new walking sandals and we head out for 60-90 minutes walks through the neighborhoods. It feels great for me physically, the girls love their walks (demand them even) and truthfully it’s the best way for me to handle them now that they are somewhat mobile but can’t yet sit up without me nearby. The living room floor is a much harder place for me to handle two babies than the stroller outside. Much better on my neck and back too. So… when it works, off we go. Seeing the flowers, trees and birds through the girls’ eyes is humbling and magical. Sometimes I stop, go around to the front of the stroller and just watch them take it all in. Genevieve staring at a liquid gold poppy for the first time was a sight I’ll never forget.

Six Month Check-Up
The girls are well and healthy. Calliope, though fabulously nourished is a little peanut coming in at 5-10th percentile in weight (though 95th in head size– big brains, yeah!). Genevieve on the other hand is in the 95th percentile in her height! She’s tall! Hurray! My side of the family is petite and one of the reasons we chose the donor we did was because of a good chain of tall peeps in his family — and it looks like our baby girls got one of each. Genevieve weighs 16 pounds and Calliope weighs 14lbs.

We had a learning lesson with giving them the DtAp vaccine. I was on the fence. Not sure I wanted to just yet given all the research I’d done. Gina was more adamant given there’s been a whooping cough outbreak here in the PNW. In the end, when we got home and read more of the literature I wish we hadn’t done it just yet. Instead, I acquiesced. Not that we would have done anything different– maybe we would still have done it but from now on, we agree, we only make big decisions like this when both mamas are fully on board.

Sleep
Ahh, sleep. The never-ending story.

So, sleep for the girls (and us), got better, then worse, then better. Then worse. Finally, about 4-5 weeks ago I’d had my second time where I declared, “enough.” The girls were sleeping steady but the constant little wakings at 10pm (right when we were falling asleep) and all through the night for pacifiers, rolling over, etc. were beginning to slowly kill us.

We were generously gifted $60 as Mother’s Day gift and promptly put it toward a 30 minute session with Portland’s best sleep coach (she’s not a horrible sleep trainer that one might be scared of… if anything, she’s a bit of a softy but does know her babies and sleep). The session was miraculous. One of the best things about it was that she affirmed how much we’ve done well with the girls and assured us all we needed was a little tweaking and we’d be on to solid night’s sleep for everyone before we knew it.

So, tweak we did. Voila! Magic! The girls began sleeping soundly in ways we never thought possible. IMMEDIATELY. Turns out it was us rushing in so quickly – fiercely afraid one would wake the other- that was perpetuating the problem, even making it worse. Who knew that just leaving them to stir and re-settle is natural for them and each can sleep through the others nightly noises (even loud cries)? Apparently the French.

Moving Update
It took the house 2 weeks to sell. We got a nice solid offer, we did a tiny counter, they accepted and bammo… everyone is on the move. Because our home is worth less than we can sell it for, we doing what’s called a short-sale. Not exciting, not fun and certainly humbling. Yet at this point, definitely necessary (if we were a business we would have cut this loss about 3-4 years ago but we kept the house on pride, hope and a sense of obligation). A short sale takes about 4 months compared to the typical 30-45 days so we’ll still be here in the house for a few more months. Likely to move in August.

We still have no idea where we are moving but we are clear it’ll be smaller and less expensive and beautiful. We’ll be walking distance to parks or nature (if not in nature) and it’ll be welcoming children. We’ll be renting now which I have to admit feels a bit more freeing than I thought it would. A friend recently told me, “Renting: It’s the hidden panacea.” I think I’m going to agree.

Nest steps… neighborhood shopping, researching what our new budget will afford us and continuing to clear out all the crap we’ve accumulated over the years. I am so, so looking forward to ending up with only about 50% of what we currently own.

Boobies, Back and Babies
There’s so much to say here. I won’t be saying it all. Not this time. The upshot is this…I’m stopping pumping milk.

The weight of my breasts combined with the girls getting heavier has taken a toll on my body. I am in constant pain in my neck and back now – even all my old tricks (chiro, acupuncture, ice, advil, stretching, water therapy, wine, sombra rub, etc.) don’t make a dent. Most nights I’m close to tears (if not, crying) and when I wake up now I have only about 25% range of motion in my neck and back, coupled with a lot of pain. It’s pretty bad.

So, I began to consider stopping nursing and pumping in order to get some weight off my breasts so that I can be able-bodied for my girls as they need me (at this rate, I am becoming quickly debilitated). Still, it took me weeks to even say it out loud and another few weeks of weighing all my options and finally, another few weeks of processing it all emotionally. This was not in The Plan.

Yet, nothing about this pregnancy or becoming a mama has really been the way I’d planned it now has it? And still, it’s all worked out beautifully.

I suppose now is as good a time as any in that they are starting solid foods and beginning to take less milk. Blessed as we are, we have about 300oz of breast milk in the freezer, too. So, we plan to give them one solid feeding (7-8 oz each) of breast milk a day for the next few months. They’ll still get goats milk and then of course they are eating solids now. It makes me feel much better, knowing they’ll still have the magic of mama-juice for the immune systems and brain development over the coming months.

After speaking with my pediatrician/midwife and a breast reduction surgeon they all agree that once I stop the milk flow I should lose some weight off my breasts (from loss of milk but mostly from estrogen dropping and shrinking the tissue and fluids back down) but it likely won’t be significant. Still, hopefully it will be enough to give me a bit of relief so that I can keep up with the girls for 12 hours a day.

That said, I’m not sure I’m done nursing. They girls nurse so infrequently now that I’m hoping that if I stop just the pumping, that’ll do the trick (in terms of shrinkage) and I can still nurse for a few more months. I really love nursing and we do it when whenever we can. We’ll see. So far I’m a week and a half into what I am affectionately calling “pump-weaning.”

If all goes well, within 2-3 months my breasts will likely be to their “new normal.” I was hoping at that time I would have breast reduction surgery. (I went for a consult with a surgeon last week who plugged in the numbers and deemed my reduction “medically necessary” even once I stop breastfeeding and have shrinkage).  But, at that same consult I learned that even with insurance (given our $5K deductable and 20% copay) it’s not in our budget.  I ALSO learned that I need to have a mammogram BEFORE the surgery and the mammogram office will NOT do a screening until I am absolutely 6 months done with nursing. So, since I’m no longer in a rush for the surgery, I’m going to trust that stopping the heavy flow of milk (pumping) will bring a significant amount of relief. And then? I’ll be patient and enjoy nursing as much as I can. We’ll see what happens after the move when we get settled and back on our feet a bit.

I was grieving …all kinds of things… that I can’t get the surgery as soon as I’d like, that I may continue to be in pain for another 6 months  and that financially, this is simply where the last 4-5 years has gotten us. All that is just mine to be with. The grief, the patience, the unknown, the longing. It’s cleaning now though. As I moved further in this process and allow myself to be relieved from the pump and some of the weight, I find myself savoring the nursing more and more, little as it is. I also find that my patience come a bit easier as well. As my dear friend Krista reminds me, “It’ll all work out… it always does.”

And so it will.

The Girls
In the meantime, my amazing girls are just totally amazing….

Calliope is learning to crawl… she’s SO close! Seems like overnight she got here (not unlike she learned to roll over). She pushes herself up on all fours and rocks herself forward then falls back down. Callie also says “Mama” all the time now. When I say it back to her she giggles up a storm. It’s so sweet I can hardly stand it.

Genevieve is growing like a weed. She looks like a 9 month old baby (and she wears only 9-month old clothes now too). She is bright, focused and engaging 1:1. She loves eye contact with anyone willing to look at her with love. She giggles and smile more and more now… perhaps Calliope (giggle machine– she wakes up laughing) brings that out in her.

Genevieve and Calliope are so fun, so sweet and truly such a joy in my life. I think I said this last month but it’s true again now, I have never been happier in my life. Ever. This is total, utter, and complete bliss.

Until soon,
regina
xox