My reproductive doc called in the (very) long list of prescriptions for our new adventure. The pharmaceutical company called me to verify my name, address, doctor and take the $4K payment before shipping.
“Okay mam’m, just one last question before we take payment, Are you covered on your husband’s insurance?”
Silence. Even though this type of question about “my husband” comes at least once a month and I’m put in the very awkward position of either correcting someone or just letting it go (it’s a toss up to which is more painful), I am still surprised and caught off guard every time it comes.
“Mam’m? Are you still there?”
“Uh, yes, I… ” trying to figure out what to say I’m stumped. Do I tell her I do not have a husband? Do I tell her I have a wife and that she DOES have insurance but I’m not covered under it even though that is now legal and offered in Oregon. Do I just give her my insurance? Figuring, figuring…
“Mam’m? ARE you covered under your husband’s insurance? If so, I can call to see if they cover any of the prescriptions” Slight annoyance in her voice now. I choose the straight (no pun) truth.
“Uh, I don’t have a husband. Would you like my insurance card?”
“Oh, I’m very sorry. It says here that you are married. I apologize.”
“No problem. I appreciate that. Yes. I am married, I have a wife.”
Embarrassed and surprised, “Oh, I’m so sorry, it’s just that most of our patients have husbands so I just assumed… ”
“Yes, well, I do understand that,” I am feeling in a generous and grounded mood so I make an offering, kindly. “You know, you may want to consider using a more neutral word like “spouse”, that way you always have your bases covered and you nor your customers has to feel awkward or embarrassed.
Defensive. “Well, it’s just that I was doing my best and most women who call in DO have a husband and…”
With more generosity and empathy than even I might have expected from myself, “Yes. I understand, you were doing your best and I can really tell you are committed to excellent customer service and I do appreciate that. And, it’s just an invitation. Because at this point, things are really uncomfortable and that could all have been avoided. Spouse. Partner. Whatever. Just more… “encompassing” can save everyone a lot of grief. Now, would you like my insurance card?”
“Yes. Thank you mam’m.” She speaks curtly but professionally and I appreciate that. She’s dealing with herself and I can appreciate that too.
We hang up. She calls my insurance. She calls me back about 10-15 minutes later and apologizes without excuse.
“Hello, Ms. Perata. Yes, I do apologie about earlier. That won’t happen again.”
“No problem, thank you Marlene. I really appreciate that.”
“So, your insurance covered $300 of the $4, 286. Would you like to give me your visa number to pay for the balance?”
And off we go, both polite as we finish our call.
I hang up the phone and can’t help but wonder what the conversation will sound like at her dinner table that night.