It was quite interesting, me putting all my raw feeling on the table like that in the last post. I got more responses to that post than to any so far…and all greatly mixed: from acknowledgment (“I love your honesty and courage, Regina. So great.”), to shared anger (“Bitch!”, “I’d be SO mad, too!”, “Doesn’t she watch the news?”), to support/empathy (“So, so sorry… that sucks so badly.”), to outright concern about my upset (“Don’t be angry. It’s bad for your girls. Bring on the positive!”). See? A wide variety, eh?
Whatever your particular response was, rest assured, all is well. True to my form, my life’s work and my beliefs, I allowed myself to really feel the anger, frustration and fear that got shaken up with this situation. I moved into it instead of away from it. In doing so, it moved right on through me– and quickly.
In the end, while putting myself out there felt vulnerable, I’m glad I let myself be real with it all– let it move through. I’m grateful for my years of training in this domain of embodiment and happy that I’m modeling healthy self-expression for my girls. I’m clean of the upset because of how I let myself process it– and that feels great.
Mama Update
While (physically) I’m still feeling yucky and ran a low grade fever yesterday, my heart is connected to this great belly and the sweet babies who are moving all the time now, like little bits of popcorn in there.
My cracked/torn rib can be excruciating at times, particularly when I cough (which is often) or throw up. No pain killers for it like a doc might normally prescribe, so I just push on through with arnica and ice. Sometimes I follow-up a cough or a sneeze with a “fuck” (from the pain) and then a “shit” from the pee in my pants (back to wearing thick pads again… boo). Gina gets a kick out of me I think.
The natural remedies I am using for the cold do seem to be helping in that I don’t see any sign of infection and from here, it already looks like this may be a much shorter lived ordeal than the last time. Whew! Fingers crossed that by next week I’ll be feeling only itty bitty traces of this bug. The rib will take another 4-5 weeks or so, but I’ll just keep crossing that bridge daily.
In the meantime, I’m resting like you wouldn’t believe. Hopefully I won’t have to cancel some special upcoming events. If so, I might have to get angry all over again. Wink. 😉
Last little Mama update is that I’m starting to feel more contractions now. I was feeling a few here and there starting about week 18-20 or so but now I get them several times a day and often in the night. While these Braxton Hicks contractions start at about 6 weeks into pregnancy, most women don’t feel them until mid-pregnancy. With twins, its more common feel them earlier and more frequently. Midwife tells me to ensure that I have no more than 5 in a hour and no cramping that comes with them. So far, so good! I like the idea that my uterus is practicing and preparing for birthing. It continues to amazing me how my body knows exactly how to do this whole pregnancy and birth thing.
Baby Update
Last week Gina and I saw our OB. It was the first time we’d seen her since she’d had her baby. She was a wealth of more information for baby-prepping, as usual.
The best news, however, was when she looked at the ultrasound report and told us that our babies are 15oz and 1lb, putting them in the 50th percentile…then she looked up at us, eyebrows raised and said, “and that’s based on singletons. So, your babies are doing GREAT for twins. Each nice and big as a singleton.” Twins are typically smaller than singletons so this was fantastic news! Yahoo! This means all that protein I take in and all the calories I eat are really paying off. So far, these babes are on track to being full-term, healthy-sized kiddos. We like that… a lot.
As I mentioned, I can feel them move a lot now. I feel just gentle little kicks given how small each baby is and I love this feeling. It’s my favorite part of pregnancy so far, other than this belly. Even more exciting is that we can see my belly move sometimes, too. Gina says it looks like little earthquakes happening on the surface of my skin. Even MORE exciting than that is that she FELT one of the babies move for the first time this week. I was OVER THE MOON. Maybe even more excited than her.
I feel more and more connected to these baby girls every day. I even have a sense of which is which (given the current names we like). They each carry a different energy and vibe… I feel like I am getting to know them more now. I talk to them a lot– about everything from how great and silly and smart their mama Gina is to hanging in there with all my coughing and barfing. I also sometimes just say hi, or tell them to move in a different direction in my belly where there seems their could be more room for them.
WILD to think that I’m walking around with three beating hearts inside of me.
What’s Happening Now?
Nursery Prep
We’ve begun clearing out the TV room to start prepping the nursery. We picked an enchanted garden theme, which we both love. No cartoons or baby ducks or anything like that. Just a pretty, organic, magical world to walk into. We found a really pretty pillow with dainty flowers and vines for inspiration. With that, Gina had the idea (she has the BEST ideas) to make the whole room like a flower garden, complete with a grass green carpet, light sunny walls and a perfectly blue sky (ceiling). She is picking up paint this week and soon it’ll be under way (I’m not painting… just Gina). I’m looking forward to that part being done and the room aired out so that I can start to organize and house all the baby loot we’ve been gifted so far.
Baby Prep
We’ve also been prepping and planning for family visits post birth, baby showers, and labor and birth. Seems like all this would just be organic but it’s actually been very intentional in a lovely sort of way given we’ve had to discuss so much more than we thought.
For example:
- Whose mom comes first, Gina’s or mine? And when does she come?
- Regarding a baby registry, committed to some level of simplicity, sufficiency, and sustainability, we always thought we’d have way less “stuff” than the average person when we had a baby but now with two, there’s more needed (and perhaps even wanted) than we imagined! So we are in conversation about how to find a balance that feels right to us in terms of needs and wants.
- Then there’s the diaper conversation… good god! There is so much to research… cloth, disposable, combo of both? If cloth… then a buy & wash or use a service? It’s been a full time job just figuring it all out! But a very fun full-time job. By the way, we are choosing cloth diapers with a cleaning service. We’d likely wash them ourselves if we didn’t have twins but, alas, heeding advice from other twin parents, this is one more thing that’ll be different than we imagined.
Wrapping up Work
I’ve just got a few weeks left of “full-time” work then I’ll be on a modified bed-rest for September till when the babies come. Really, just taking it easy, being on my back as much as possible and cooking these babies. I’ll still see a few clients a week… maybe 2-3 and occasionally on the phone until Sept 20th. Then, work is all done! We’ll have some baby classes and some baby showers in September, too. All in all, I’ll start to wind down by end of August and plan to be fully wound down end of September. I’ve been doing final scheduling with clients and crafting final newsletters informing of my maternity leave, etc., all in a way the leaves room for me to come back (whenever that is) with a solid base.
My midwife had said to me that by September I’ll care less about my work. That my attention would begin to shift inward on Gina, me and the babies. Mostly the babies. And it’s so true. I can already feel that I can’t wait for the end of August– even though I LOVE my work and my clients. I look forward to just having that piece be off my plate emotionally and mentally. I want to be freed up to just be with the last months or weeks of my pregnancy that I’ll most likely only do once. I feel a bit mixed and unsure about my loss of income for our household but I know that I’ve done my best inside a “short year” (i.e. contributing only 8 months of income instead of 12). In the end, Gina and I are partnering and she’s been fantastic about this part of the process (my work ending, that is).
Blessings
This week we’ve been blessed every day with something special from someone.
Sunday Tim brought pastries from his bakery and Sonja brought over cold, natural orange jello for my throat (which incidentally has been a godsend not only for my sore throat but it works well to eat first thing in the morning so when I throw up, it’s easier to just throw that up and I don’t really loose any protein… who knew?!) Maybe Sonja did. 🙂 She also brought Bust magazine and a gorgeous, giant hydrangea flower.
Monday, Krista let me bend her ear while I cried and cried… feeling uber hormonal and working through the various emotions of being sick (and all it’s implications).
Tuesday, a box full of maternity clothes arrived from Rhona… who is set on making me the most fashionable pregnant woman in town! Such a gift. Made me cry. Yet again.
Rhona and Krista also created and sent out the baby shower invite, which is so humbling… not only that all the Poker Gals are throwing this shower for us but to see all the people that want to come celebrate the joy of our girls coming into the world.
Sonja offered to do a special ritual for the babies, as well. A Blessing Way for them to enter this world with love, security and health.
Gina brings me chicken soup and other cures for my hunger and ailments. In general, she is just awesome support.
Yesterday, my mom called to say that when the babies come all she really wants is to just make my life as easy as possible and be of help in any and all ways she can. Seeing the babies will be a bonus but that helping me is what she really longs to do. I wept with gratitude right there on the phone. Another level of opportunity, healing and love for us both.
Lastly, today marks a milestone as far as the western medical world is concerned. We hit 24 weeks, 6 months pregnant that is. 24 week is considered the time of pre-term viability. Meaning, if pre-term labor were to occur, statistically speaking, odds would be on the side of the little one surviving. As a high risk pregnancy, it’s really an accomplishment to get here. So much so that the docs will likely mention a kudos next time we are in.
See? Lots of blessings right? And I know there’s more I’m leaving out or don’t even know about… like all the good vibes, prayers and good thoughts that come our way. It’s humbling and a practice to keep letting it all in.
So… life marches on with all it’s little pains and all it’s sweet blessings. We are steering the course on this journey that seems to be changing our lives more and more every day. And I love it. So very, very much.
xo