Milestone Day #1 (of the final stretch)

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Regina

Twenty-eight weeks today!!!! Milestone #1– DOWN! Yahoo!!!! 

Overall, I feel pretty darn good. Tired, big, uncomfortable, nauseas but super happy. In the home stretch I waver from “Wow, how am I going to make it?” to, “These are likely the last weeks of my life that I’ll ever be pregnant.” In that latter, I just want to soak up every minute. Want to slow it down, even.

Life in the Belly
The pelvis is pretty painful again and my belly and weight seem to be growing exponentially. I think I put on about 2 pounds a week now! Wild, right? I wonder if I’ll hit 200 lbs? I think that would be really cool. Anyway, despite the rapid growth and decreasing space, these girls still manage to move in different positions and flip inside of me. Last week, Baby A decided she wanted to cuddle up next to Baby B and they were both crammed on my entire right side. It was unbelievable! The whole left side of my belly was just sort of mush. The right side was hard and big and stretched to capacity. Pointy to the eye, even. Like Mt Hood, kinda. Then, when it came time to sleep, it was actually pretty painful, pressing in on my intestines and back, I simply couldn’t get comfortable and was awake for about 5 hours that night. Finally, around 5am, she’d had enough cuddle time with her sister (or perhaps responded to my plea’s) and moved back over to her side of the apartment. We all felt much better. Well, I did anyway.

All in all, it’s still just as miraculous and fascinating watching what my body is capable of and witnessing — from here– these babies growing, developing and already becoming people inside of me. It’s the most intimate relationship I can imagine and yet they are, in many ways, strangers to me/us. This of course leaves me so eager to meet them and see who they are I can hardly stand it.

As always, not a day goes by that I am not in awe and utter gratitude that I get to do this–even on the hardest of days. I’ve never experienced anything like that before in my life. Words like, “amazing”, “incredible” and “miraculous” seem to fall so short… but I use them anyway because they are as close as I can get to what I feel.

27 weeks and 5 days. Measuring about 38.5 weeks (for a singleton). Yahoo!

27wks 5 days, close up. Yowza! Yippee! Can you believe this thing?

Body and Health
Remember that glucose test I was so sure I’d pass. Yeah, uh….I failed it. Well, the initial screening anyway. My OB and midwife say that’s common for women with twins to fail this initial screening because my body has to make insulin for the three of us. They both also said it’s common for women who eat pretty clean to fail it as well: i.e, my body sort of freaked out with that much glucose in my system (which was so sweet it made my head ache something awful and I slept for hours after, I was so sick).

So, the normal protocol for someone who fails the initial screening is to do a 12 hour fast and drink twice as much glucose while having my blood drawn 3-4 times over 3-4 hours but my midwife said I’d likely fail that even more… not to mention I’d for sure throw it up and/or pass out. I simply can’t go that long without eating. Are they crazy? So, my midwife suggested an alternative and my OB was totally on board.

The Alternative
I’ve been given a “glucometer” testing kit– diabetics use these regularly. It’s a little system that pricks my finger and then digitally tests my blood 4 times a day. Once in the morning before eating, then three times each 2 hours after a meal such as breakfast lunch and dinner (fasting in those 2 hours before each testing). I’ve been at it 8 days now and so far mostly, my numbers are all nice and low. I do notice when I don’t have enough protein they spike up a bit though. Interesting. The OB wants them lower than 140, the midwife wants them lower than 120; I’m consistently in the 90’s, in the 80’s upon waking, sometimes in the 110-120 range by dinner and twice it was close to 140.  So, all in all, pretty good.

Eating and food has already been such an ordeal that this obviously adds another layer of “pain in the butt” (ie. I eat less each meal now that my stomach has less room and simply more often so if I’m hungry in that 2 hour post-meal fasting period I can’t eat- making it even more of a conscious effort to make sure to get all the calories inside the parameters, etc…. BUT,  I’m so glad I have it because it sure beats plan A and I’m actually learning more about what I eat and how my body metabolizes it. Once the two weeks are up, Gina is going to start testing her blood, too! Just to see. She can’t right now because the little machine has a memory bank and logs all my numbers. Would hate to have her throw it off and try to explain that to my docs! 🙂

Gina
Speaking of Gina and food… did I mention that while I’m trying to clock 3500 calories a day, she’s started a 6 week (if not longer) cleanse? That’s right. My honey is taking on her health before these babies come… and with a commitment I’ve never seen in her. It’s pretty damn cool. She’s seeing my Naturopath who taught her a whole lot about her eating, her body type and her specific needs. She’s on an anti-infammatory diet; eating meats, veggies and fruit (occasionally a small amount of brown rice or quinoa but no other grains). That’s it. No dairy, sugar, processed foods, wheat or gluten.

In the three weeks she’s been on it, her psoriasis has cleared up 95% or more. I’ve never seen her hands looking so smooth and pretty. Her energy has totally evened out. She’s a bit more irritable right now but that’s part of the emotional cleansing that comes with eating so clean (not to mention she’s working 11 days solid here and there and on “days off”, she’s painting, prepping, etc.). Fortunately, as a bonus, she’s dropping weight which she’s pretty stoked about. I am so, so proud of her. If you were to ask her why she’s doing this now, after many years of “knowing she should” (her words, not mine), she’d tell you, it’s for our babies. Well, and being able to be as healthy as possible once they come and wreak havoc on our sleep and lives.

Nightmares
Unfortunately, I’ve been plagued with some nasty nightmares about the babies. From miscarriages to other weird grotesque stuff that has to do with my babies dying or being dead in me. The details are horrific; I could sell the images to movie makers for sure. I’ll spare you the visuals and leave you with this note from my doula, upon sharing with her about the nightmares:

Jesse:  “True, to affirm, it’s all very normal to have these things move up and out of consciousness (the 2nd chakra activity is so strong). I view it as one midwife said: babies don’t like to be born on dirty ground so they clear out your psyche of all the media, cultural imprints, fears, etc so that what is left is clear, vibrant, crystaline love light. ; ? )”

Me likee. I’m stickin’ with that empowering reframe. So, each time I wake up sweating, heart pounding and gasping for air from these icky nightmares, I’ll just remember, it’s a cleansing. Soon, all that will be present is clear, vibrant, crystalline love and light. Not bad, eh?

Nursery
You should see the baby loot piling in our living room! Well, you CAN see it. Look here!

Snap and go stroller, pack and plays, bags of clothes, gifts, changing table...Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh my!

Gina *just* finished painting the babies room this weekend and we had lots of help along the way; not only painting (thank you Jill!) but building the crib and Ikea dresser (shout out to Michelle and Bekkah who helped while on their vacation, in from SF). Take a villiage, I’ll tell ya. And we’re so grateful.

After all the help was gone and Gina finished building the dresser things were quieter here, we cleaned and mopped and put the rug down. It is so lovley. When I walked in this morning, I about teared up… this is it. This is the dream. This is the place that will host all their stuff. The room we’ll change them in. The room they may sleep. The room I’ll do late night feedings in. For years this room has been something that I didn’t want it to be– only because all I EVER wanted it to be was this. Long time coming, this nursery is.

Soon, I’ll start washing clothes, sorting them and putting them in drawers. We’ll move all the baby booty from the living room to their room and hopefully start to feel a bit more settled on this front.

For now, I just stand in there and stare. I soak it in. It feels light. It feels good. I talk to the girls and tell them how hard their Mama (Gina) worked on it for them and how excited we are to meet them. I tell them how pretty it is in the room and even moreso, how pretty it is out in the world. I talk to them about the moon, the stars, the trees and all the amazing things that await them on the outside.

Gina building the girls' first dresser.

Ikea Heaven and Hell (this pic taken 11pm at night)

It's almost complete! Can you see the blue ceiling?

This is the print we are building our nursery theme around. We love it.

Two lamp shades here... one for a standing lamp, and a cloud shade for the ceiling sky.

Twin-Mobile
Once we found out we’d have twins, Gina and I knew we’d need to get a new (pre-owned) vehicle. Our cars just won’t cut it. So, we’ve been researching the market and readying our 11 year old Volvo to find a new home whilst swapping her out for something to better hold our new family of four. Family of FOUR! Gulp. We test drove a Kia this weekend — didn’t totally love it but it’s in our price-range so we’ll see. We plan on doing more test driving in the coming weeks. Eventually I won’t be able to go and likely I’ll have to — gasp!– relinquish all control and let Gina go buy the damn thing without me. Oy, the lessons here are ample. 🙂

Work
Many of you have asked how it is not to work now. It’s such a relief to be able to just have my attention on this– these babies, my body, nesting– truth is, it’s the ONLY place I want my attention and intention to be… and the only place it is, even when I want it somewhere else.  I’m grateful we saved as much money as we did and grateful Gina is working overtime so we can do this. In short, it’s good to not be working– but it’s also not like when I’ve been off work in the past. I’m still working, it’s just a different kind of project I’m working on now. Ironically, I feel even more focused and busy and occupied than any other “job” or “career” time that I’ve had.

Baby Shower
This weekend is our baby shower. Yet ANOTHER dream realized. For years, I’ve been attending baby showers and in recent years they have been sweet indeed, but always with my own longing right there like an unwanted companion.

Now that ours is here, it’s sort of surreal. The Poker Gals are hosting it at Krista’s house and I feel so humbled I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be doing more to help. Receiving the gift of this shower simply can’t be enough, right? Ha.

So, we’ll show up Sunday, open hearts in tow, and enjoy our friends– many of which we consider family– celebrating us and the two little lives that have already joined our clan. I am so excited that I wake up each morning and count the days until Sunday. Only thing is, I’m sure there are people we forgot to invite. It already happened twice and I sent late invites. Slightly embarrassing but ah well, what’s a pregnant brain to do?

Classes
We went to our first “Birthing Naturally” class last night. It was a bit of a stretch comfort wise and food wise (have to bring food and also test glucose while there), sit up for a few hours, etc. but super loved it nonetheless. It was so great to be in a room with other groovy parents all getting close to meeting their babies. Of course it was slightly stunning (again, you’d think Gina and I both would be used to this) that most of the women there were 5-6 weeks ahead of us, due a good month or more before us and yet my belly was larger than any of them. Crazy! And truth be told, kinda cool. Anyway, this was again another rite of passage that I’ve been hearing about and looking forward to for ages and now, finally, it’s our turn. There are three more classes taking us up to the end of September.

Gina and I both loved the class number one. There was a lot of education and then a good 30 minutes of massage. We left feeling connected to a new parenting/pregnancy/birthing community in a way we have not yet in this process. We also felt a renewed appreciation for each other; me for the partnership we are already in together– the ways we are already co-parenting– and all that Gina does for me and for us. Gina felt awed by all she learned that my body is going through. In her words, “I’m just really in awe of how hard this is for Regina, what this takes from her body to do this.” Ahh, sigh. Love.

We have a Multiple Expectations (Twins Class) at the hospital this Saturday. It’s on how to take care of two babies at once. It’s from 9am-4pm and I have no idea how we’ll manage that in terms of comfort, food, napping, etc. All the advice from twin mom’s (and the hospital) is to do this class as early in your pregnancy as possible– before you are too uncomfortable– but I was leading a retreat the last time they offered it so there wasn’t any work-around. This is it. We’ll see how it goes. If it’s too much for me, Gina may stay and I’ll head home. I’ll just have to trust her notes. Those that know Gina well, know this may be another grande leap of faith on my part. She’s has my favorite brain on the planet, is a smart, critical thinker but a great memory and note-taker she is not. Ah well… it’ll all work out. I’ve no doubt. It always does. It always will.

Peace Out and Big Love,
regina

 

Posted in Believing, Community, Friends, Hormones, Learning, Love and Gratitude, Needles, Third Trimester | Leave a comment

The Thing About Twins…

Posted on September 4, 2011 by Regina

Note: I wrote this post well over a week ago so it’s a bit dated but, still relevant.

Being pregnant with twins is different. Of course, many things are the same, but I notice that a lot are not. Those things that are different are often misunderstood by the general population (no harm intended and by no fault of anyone’s own, we only have what we know about pregnancy, which is usually a singleton, to relate). For me, however, that can conjure up all kinds of personal insecurities of not being strong enough, being wimpy or simply wondering why it feels so different for me.

Fortunately, I’ve had some encouragement as of late.

OB Visit
I saw my OB on Monday. I did my glucose test (drank that nasty sweet stuff and tried hard not to vomit, but headache and nausea ensued) which I’m sure will come out fine– they test for diabetes and gestational diabetes.

From the ultrasound report, our OB confirmed that our babies are healthy with lots of fluid around them and are exactly at 50th percentile in growth– she looked me in the eye and made sure I knew (again) that is the average for singletons. So, for twins, I’m doing (and they are doing) “extra great”. Smile. Exhale.

I weighed in at 174, measured 37cm (37 weeks- 11 weeks ahead) and BP was 118/74 (super low).

Then she checked in with me on how I’m doing emotionally. I told her I had stopped working and was so tired and achy now it seems to be getting hard. Then she leaned in close and said this:

“Having twins is a mental pregnancy. You can’t think of it like a singleton or you’ll feel awful and go crazy. You are at the stage that most women are ready to get the babies out of them, except you still have at least 10 weeks to go.

Here’s what I want you to do: break it down into 2 week segments and celebrate each time you make it through that milestone. Here are the milestones I’ll be tracking: 28 weeks. We get you there and yahoo! Babies have a more than a 90% viability rate then. Then, 32 weeks, another developmental milestone. Lastly, 36 weeks. We get you there and we can dance naked on the tables we’ll be so happy.

But for you, it’s mental now. You MUST let yourself acknowledge that you want these babies out of you, even though in your heart you want them to stay in. It’s not easy. Most women feel so guilty about this, they can’t acknowledge it. But you HAVE to. It’ll keep you sane. And in a few weeks, it’s only going to get worse. So, hang in there, K?”

Okay.

I called Gina and gave her the down low. In doing so, it occurred to me, we are in the homestretch. Wow. While I was trying and hoping for 40 weeks, I may change my tune here and shoot for 38 and be thrilled even if we get to 36. Gina makes a good point that it might be best to not get fixated on a specific week but rather, healthy babies, no NICU and no intervention. That Gina. Always so wise.

As far as mental toughness goes, I know that gig well. I was a strong, competitive athlete for more than 2 decades of my life. I know what it takes and what it means to be mentally tough. I’m already pulling on that and appreciate the heads up and coaching to pull on that reserve again now and in the coming months even more.

Gina also recommended that we make a little advent calendar of sorts… a way to sort of track and celebrate each day and then each two week hurdle. I’m going to make some affirmations and place them around the house too. Ten weeks feels like a long time, but in reality I know it’s not that long at all. Especially when I think about all there is to do still before they get here and more importantly, that this may be the last weeks of my life that I am ever pregnant again.

All in all… it was good validation from my doc and from Gina. Good perspective and a good reminder to honor my pregnancy exactly how it is and how it is not.

The Twin Book
My friend, Amy,  gave me a couple twin books recently and as I’ve been reading through them, I found some surprising validation.

“Women expecting twins may be able to work though much of their pregnancy so long as there are no complications. However, most women are ready to stop work or cut back their horse around 24-28 weeks of pregnancy. Women of higher-order multiples (trips, quads, etc.) generally need to stop working much earlier, around 20 weeks. If you have the luxury of not needing to work, quite your job now. You may not realize how much stress your job places on you until you stop working.”

Hallelujah, amen, I’ll tell ya! Ain’t that the truth. I’m 27 weeks this Wednesday and I am so ready to be done working; both physically and mentally. So, perhaps it has nothing to do with my “advanced maternal age” (what the medicals call my being 39) and really, just everything to do with the fact that I have twins: my belly is the size and weight of an almost full term mama. Hmmm. A little perspective does a girl good.

Some other chapters specific to twins are on Nosy Questions, Your Fast-Growing Body (and your concerns about how it will stretch to hold both babies), Missing the “Golden Trimester” (jumping from nausea to the size and feel of Third Trimester), Your Unique Blood Circulation (and the impacts of that)… these are all things that I (and other twin mamas) think about and deal with. I find the fact the someone is writing about these topics really supportive/healing/helpful in and of itself, as you know and have seen me thinking about, dealing with and processing.

Lots of people ask me (kindly), “Why are you stopping work so early?” or “Why is it important to be on a modified bed-rest?” Truth is, I would have asked those same questions of a twin-mama because it’s just something most of us don’t know about until we know about it. Again, we only have the majority of pregnancies to relate our experience to. Reading this book, The Multiple Pregnancy Sourcebook,  helped me understand my own pregnancy better and also gave me some sound-bites and ways to intelligently answer the questions. Here’s a bit more from the book.

Twin Pregnancy Risks
Average gestational age at birth is 35-36 weeks.
Two and one-half times more likely to have pre-term labor than singleton pregnancy.
Seven times more likely to have pre-term birth from 28-31 weeks; about 6% of twins.
Nearly six times more likely to have preterm birth from 32-36 weeks; about 45% of twins.
Three times more likely to have placenta abruption (early detachment of placenta).
Two and a half times more likely to have high-blood pressure; about 20% of twins.
Babies are seven times more likely to be admitted to the neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU), about 50% of twins.
8-9% have birth defects.
Eight to ten times more likely to have low birth weight (less than 5 1/2 pounds) or very low birth weight (less than 3 1/2 pounds).
Average birth weight is 5 1/2 pounds.

Understanding Pre-Term Labor
Compared to a woman with a singleton pregnancy, having twins makes you about two and one-half times more likely to have preterm labor and 5-7 times more likely to have pre-term birth.

No one totally understands why preterm labor occurs, but there are many suspected contributors. It has long been thought that a woman’s large, over-distended uterus can trigger labor. Some think that the weight of the babies on the cervix stimulates labor (which is why women are often put on bedrest). Urinary tract infections and dehydration can bring on contractions and lead to labor and birth. Rupture of an amniotic sac can stimulate preterm labor and lead to infection.

Other risk factors include all kinds of things, but a few are: diabetes, heart disease, previous pre-term labor, age younger than 18 and older than 35, standing long periods of time, long work hours, high levels of stress, sexual contact and stimulation. 

Contractions
Women with multiples feel and experience contractions much sooner than a singleton– and need a keep a close eye on them as well.  Some contractions tense up just certain parts or just one side of the uterus; these are called uterine irritability contractions and usually last less than 40 seconds each. They often occur when you get up from a chair or when you need to urinate, and even when the babies move (I experience all of these all the time and sometimes more than others, like in the heat as you saw in my recent posts). Women with twins or more are likely to have uterine irritability. These contractions can lead to organized pre-term labor contractions. Organized contractions are an overall hardening and rounding of the uterus. Women often describe these as feeling the babies “balling up”. I experience this daily as well– there is no danger and no alarm so long as they don’t become rhythmic and/or regular.

Contractions in pregnancy are often called Braxton Hicks. In singleton pregnancies these are common “practice” for labor. With multiples, however, it can lead to preterm labor and women should never ignore a contraction no matter what it’s called or how it feels.

Sometimes, if the contractions feel like they are coming a bit more than normal or more than 4-5 an hour (a warning signal), you’ll find me laying on the couch with a piece of scratch of paper and times written up and down it– my way of tracking the frequency and regularity (or irregularity).

The bugger is that water is my best friend, as you may remember, but it makes me have to pee… a lot. The peeing gives me contractions as does the getting up and going every 20-30 minutes. So, it’s a bit of a conundrum but I opt for more water, especially in the heat, and then usually just head back to the couch or bed asap. Midwife says as long as the contractions are settled down when I’m in a resting state, we’re all good. So, when they are coming on, I try to not get up more than 4 times an hour so as to not cause more than 4 contractions as hour. But I also can’t let my bladder get too full either. Tricky, eh?

Balance
As I’ve written before, there is a balance that Gina and I work to keep in terms of fully understanding why we are considered a “high risk pregnancy” & really being responsible for that AND not relating to it in a way that rules us or dominates our life or our experience(s). It’s possible (and we take the stand) that we have a completely healthy, normal pregnancy and birth. There are just a bit more precautions for us to take– and we don’t mess around or push it, sometimes easier said than done (for me in particular). Luckily, all Gina’s nagging I used to complain about is now really coming in handy. 🙂

 

Posted in Believing, Community, Friends, Second Trimester, What the ? | Leave a comment

The Power of Women + Community

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Regina

Gina and I are part of a group called Full House Moms (FHM). It’s a group specific to parents of multiples in the Portland Metro area. Thus far, it’s been a really great resource for everything from finding twin-specific doctors and stores to finding pre-owned twin equipment on sale. We love it.

This morning I was browsing for a certain type of wrap we learned about at our twin class and I came across this post below: it’s a request for insight and then the supportive responses that followed. It inspires me to tears. It’s also reassuring for me to know that this kind of support is available if/when I want/need it. Maybe not in the “Red Tent” kind of way like I long for, but at least right here on my computer and monitor… and maybe even a phone call away.

The power of women and community never ceases to amaze me.

xo, 
regina

Here goes:

Almost 34 Weeks W/ Twins-So Confused!

Hey Mom’s,

So I have now made it to almost 34 weeks with twins, and am now having contractions (both at the hospital and at doctor appointment this morning) on the monitor that are strong and 3-5 minutes apart. I am also feeling an extreme amount of pressure in my pelvic area, which I believe is due to baby A’s head being down so low. (doctor confirmed this yesterday) My cervix had managed to dilate to 2 centimeters as of Thursday evening, but have had no change since then. (was checked again this morning)

I am just so confused about how I can be having such strong/painful and close together contractions without my cervix making more of a change. I really hope these contractions don’t last until the 36 weeks the doctors want me to make it to before I deliver. :(

Did any of you have a similar experience?

-NK

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had contractions for about 4 months…seriously! In the end I barely noticed them and was actually 7 cm dilated when I went in to be induced at 38 weeks (I thought the severe pain I was having was in my stomach….and, it wasn’t even my first baby!).

My baby A had a SUPER low head…so low that one of the nurse’s who was doing an ultrasound swore he had flipped because she couldn’t see it…it is SO painful and I think it causes the contractions to be more painful, too. Drink LOTS of water and try to relax. Twin pregnancy is a bit of an anomaly and even the doctors have a hard time explaining what’s happening.

Hang in there!

-C.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had contractions from 32 weeks on pretty regularly. I was actually admitted over night at 34 weeks and they thought we were going to deliver. I dilated from 2 to 3 while in the hospital over night and was 70% effaced, but ended up going home the next day. I was admitted for extra monitoring every week after my weekly NST. I got very frustrated, because they always made me think we were having babies and then sent me home. My girls were born at 36 weeks.

Hang in there!

-M.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you resting for significant periods in the day? Seriously, like 2 hours on your left side, a couple of times a day. As I recall from earlier posts, you have another child (?). Makes resting challenging, but it can really help.

Remember, your uterus is a muscle and it is getting very irritable with all the work it is doing stretching and accommodating for two babes. Lying down and relieving some of the pressure can help quite a bit.

I started having some contractions around 24 – 25 weeks (which is about when your uterus is stretched to the size of a full term singleton–so makes sense that it gets irritable!) Sometimes I couldn’t feel them and other times they were fairly significant.

And my baby A was so low that we never saw his face after the 20 week ultrasound! Matter of fact, a couple of times they had to put me in trandelenberg position (upside down) just to get his head out of my pelvis and get a measurement of his smushed little head!!

Be proud of your 34 weeks, and keep them in as long as your body can allow them to be there. You need to give in to it all and lie down more. I fought that for a long time, but it was good for me and the babes once I did it.

-G.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had very small contractions for months and at 34.3 weeks I was dilated to a 3 with no pelvic pressure. It just snuck up on me! I put myself on light duty and made it to 36 weeks exactly when my water broke. Babies were 5.4 and 5.7 with no nicu stay and came home with me 2 days later. Just take it easy and you will make it too!

-E.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for all the input. We just got back from another hospital stay, due to bleeding that started yesterday morning. They still don’t know what caused it. What they do know is that I am now having contractions that are 2-3 minutes apart, but that they are not changing my cervix from the 2 centimeters. The pain is extremely intense, and the medication they have given me to take at home to control them is not working at all. (niphedipene) sp?! I am not sure what to do next, it just seems extremely unfair that I have to be in this much pain with absolutely NO relief until these babies decide to come. They say they can’t give me anything to make the labor get stronger, but that they won’t do anything to stop the labor either. I just don’t understand how they can expect someone to feel this way for maybe another two weeks if it takes that long. :(

-NK

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I know it won’t help saying this, because it didn’t help me. You will fully understand after you deliver though. It is so important to try to get through at least 2 more weeks. I know it’s hard when you are in pain. I was using a walker and my husband and friend had to help lift me out of bed to get up to use the walker just to make it to the bathroom. I cried so hard wanting to deliver them. I just kept telling myself that I’d rather myself be in this pain than have my babies be in any kind of harm or pain. YOU CAN DO IT!!!! It’s all mental and you have to keep talking yourself through it! Call me if you need to talk.

 

M.
#222-222-2222

 

 

Posted in Believing, Community, Learning, Third Trimester, What the ? | Leave a comment

Photos- Round 2 (and of course, a few updates)

Posted on August 28, 2011 by Regina

This last week was a big week. I performed a wedding ceremony and wrapped up with clients. In fact, I had just a few client sessions left for this coming week, but randomly and strangely, they all cancelled– 1×1– making Friday my last day of work as I have known it.

Heat Trouble
Turns out it was a blessing as I’ve been having a little trouble with the heat, even though I feel like I’m staying pretty cool. It’s been high 80’s here, sometimes 90’s and for us Portlanders who are  not necessarily acclimated to that (and us pregnant women, apparently), that takes it’s toll.

Seeing Stars 
First I was seeing stars for a day or so. I happened to be near my doc’s office so I popped in to get my blood pressure done and just make sure all was well. BP was low, but not lower than I normally am. They did a baseline blood draw for PIH (pregnancy induced hypertenion) which I SO do not have but they thought it a good idea to get a baseline. End diagnosis? The heat. Prescription? Stay cool, get up and down slowly and take it easy. Having over 600 quarts of blood pump through me daily just makes these things happen, I guess.

Belly Aching
Saturday I took it easy, stayed in all morning and lightly cleaned the house. Seriously, it was LIGHTLY! I was on the couch mostly, folding laundry or laying down. Every now and then I’d get up and sweep or unload dishwasher and then sit right back down. Later in the day, I took a short nap, a cool shower and headed out for a little ice-cream date and final “farewell” to a client who wanted to say good-bye and gift me something. On the way there, my belly started to hurt. Then, whilst there, hurt worse. It was like an all over aching and a pinching at the same time. When I pressed in my belly, it pinched more. Odd.

The heat was oppressive so we stayed in the shade as much as possible but I had to cut our time short as I was really starting to sort of cramp up and contractions were coming more than normal. I paged midwife and by the time I got home I was getting worried as the pain was intense enough that it was harder to breathe through. I didn’t *think* it was pre-term labor (as can often happen in high heat conditions) because my belly hurt even when the contractions weren’t there, too. But given I’m warned about this weekly at appointments and such, I had to consider that was what was happening. My midwife called back and in the end she said, “I think the heat is wigging out your uterus. Stay on the couch or bed and really take it easy. Even though you drink a lot of water, drink even more. Double it if you can. Do this until our little heat wave passes. Only get up if you need… just taking is super easy.” 

And so, for the next few hours, while Gina was at work, I did exactly that. In about 2 hours the pain passed. Granted, I did pass some gas and have a few good er, um, “movements”. Which might have also been part of the problem. 🙂 Gina brought food home after she got off work and we relaxed all evening.

Still, after all that, I was wasted tired. Went to bed at 8:45pm. I woke up again at 3am hurting again. Of course, it dawned on me, I hadn’t been drinking water from 9pm-3am. So I got up for an hour and drank a jug of water with electrolytes. By 4am I felt better again. Moral of the story? Water is my friend. I thought I was drinking SO much… more than any of my docs recommend (I’ve been drinking the amount that Barbara Luke, the twins nutritionalist recommends). But in this heat and with twins, it’s just not enough. And so, here I sit and type and… you guessed it, drink.

The heat is expected to continue on through this whole week. Guess those clients canceling wasn’t so random after all, eh? If they hadn’t cancelled, I would have had to anyway. I continue to be amazed and surprised at how I/we are taken care of in this process. All is well. All is very, very well. 

Ultrasound
Friday I went in for my 26 week ultrasound. Gina had to work and Pema is in SB so I went on my own for the first time. It wasn’t nearly as fun. BUT… I got to see my girls–ensure their hearts were beating strong and regular and that they were/are growing well. And, indeed they are.

Heart beats were good. Blood flow is good. Baby A caught up in size to baby B.  Both are exactly 1lb 15oz (almost 2lbs each). I’ll find out more tomorrow at my next OB appointment but I think this puts them just around the 50th percentile.

I now weigh 172. I gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks! They say my growth will continue like this now for the next few months.

As I suspected, they had flipped; heads up (between my belly-button and my ribs), feet down (by my bladder). What I couldn’t tell though, was that they are both face down (looking at my spine if they could see). No wonder, I just feel these two big, hard bumps pulling and stretching my skin on top. Sometimes it feels so hard up there, it’s like a contraction except no where else on my belly is tight. The tech snapped a pic of them head to head. It’s really very cute.

That said, I didn’t get to see much else of them. No faces, arms or feet. The bigger they get, the more crammed in there they are and the harder it is to distinguish body parts, especially whose is whose. Given their faces were down, I just saw the backs of their heads and slices of their brains (which look VERY intelligent, of course). See for yourself.

Head Kissing: 26 wks 2 days

I like to think of this one as a them "mind speaking"...

Social
Our friends are amazing. I’m being visited, gifted and all kinds of wonderful things. People come to me more often than not (especially now) which is different. For years, as the single person, I always went there… even in business it seems. So, I’m enjoying sitting back, cooking babies and letting karma do it’s thing.

Body
Unfortunately, I won’t get to the pool anytime soon, given the heat but hoping to get back there next week. For now, laying down takes some pressure off but it’s getting harder to get more comfy.

I went to the Physical Therapist about my pelvic pain and unfortunately I was not greatly impressed. She spent a lot of time being fascinated by the twin-dom on my little body and then much time on her intake. She told me what I have is called Pubic Symphysis Separation or also called Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction. She tried giving me a blow-up wedge to put under my back and lift the pressure off my pelvis but it only hurt my lower back. I’ll be trying her again this week (maybe, heat and body pending) but it’s likely that the only thing to make it feel better is to keep pressure off it. And in fact, I have noticed some relief when I rest more.

Not sure if it’s the heat or hormones but I’m throwing up and nauseas more again. Sometimes just out of the freakin’ blue, always lucky there is something nearby to hurl in. Makes my ribs sore, but all in all it’s not too bad.

Mostly, I’m just not hungry for much. Nothing sounds good… and I have to eat– a lot. I’m starting to grow weary of eating food and counting grams of protein. I have moments where I just want to not give a shit. Then I remember the girls’ needs and know that this is temporary. There WILL be a time when I like food again and I won’t have to feel like a goose prepping to be foi gras.

Still feeling grateful I don’t have heartburn, sciatica, worse edema (swelling), bleeding gums, carpel tunnel, more stuffiness (I have some but I can still breathe okay), or other common ailments that I seems to be skirting.

Mind, Heart and Spirit
Sometime last week, I was having a particularly rough evening… the day had been long, I was hot; naked with the fan on and just couldn’t get comfortable. Gina and I were watching a silly movie and when the corny ending came I started to cry. I immediately knew it wasn’t about the ending. Gina looked at me surprised and came over to hug me, mostly sympathetic but a slight little smile on her face knowing how easily my hormones can sweep me away.

Gina: What’s wrong, honey?
Regina: I just can’t get comfortable (said through tears) and I feel awful.

She hugged me.

Gina: Anything else?
Regina: Yeah, (head buried in Gina’s shoulder). But don’t tell anybody, k?
Gina: Okay.
Regina: Today, I really just don’t wanna be pregnant. I wish I had my old body back. And there is still so much longer to go… I don’t know how I’m gonna make it. More sobs.

All the smiles were gone and Gina was amazing. She knew instantly the right thing to say.

Gina: Oh, yeah, honey, I can so get that. Do you think it’s not okay to feel that way?
Regina: Yah.
Gina: Why?
Regina: Cuz we worked so hard to get here and I’m supposed to be so grateful and enjoy it all (more sobbing ensued, wet face and snot everywhere).
Gina: (asked soft and sympathetically) Yeah… and do you think you are super woman? No other women feel like this?
Regina: (still crying) Yeah, but they are weak and I’m supposed to be strong.

Whoa! Where’d that come from? Amazing how our deep subconscious thoughts play on us, eh? So lesson learned again. Toss out the strong/weak conversation and substitute it with honoring simply what is. 

After more crying and a little peeing myself from blowing my nose and choking on my snot, I got up, went to bed and slept like a rock. The next morning, I felt lighter and better. Just taking it day by day– feeling particularly grateful for my incredible partner, Gina. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I never, ever want to find out.

Below are the maternity photos I’ve been promising to share. They were taken by Linda Brooks (high school friend and amazing photographer) about 2 weeks ago. None of them are yet re-touched so some may look a little raw but I love them that way. This was such an amazing day and an amazing gift. Enjoy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Believing, Friends, Hormones, Learning, Love and Gratitude, Second Trimester, What the ? | 1 Comment

Photos- Round One

Posted on August 23, 2011 by Regina

It’s hot here. Muggy even. Unusual for Portland. When I get up to pee in the middle of the night and all the windows are open, the air is so still it feels as if they are closed. I even checked. Tap, tap, tap. Yep, only screen. No window. Makes me think of a line from one of my favorite movies, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood where Vivi’s friend drawls, “There’s not a god-damn breeze in the whole state of Louisiana. Guess we’re gonna have to go make our own god-damn breeze!” Then they head out for a mid-night joy ride, top (and tops) down.

Despite the swelling it does to my feet and that sleep is a little more restless, I’m loving the warmth and the heat, particularly having had such a latent and short summer. Knowing Autumn is just around the corner is exciting but makes me cherish this warmth even more.

Meanwhile, an update: all those contractions settled down. In fact, it was right after an intense moment of tightening in my belly which I soon realized was a contraction AND my babies flipping. Not just one but two. They BOTH flipped. Seemingly at the same time. Which is trippy in and of itself. I mean really, did they coordinate that? Or just follow each other’s vibe? Their relationship is clearly already forming.

Anyway, ever since their 180, the contractions settled and our babies are head-up which is a relief to know that my uterus was just appropriately responding to being stretched a bit. It’s also some relief on my pelvis. I can move easier and don’t have to pee every 10-15 minutes either. Even though they’ll get crammed soon, there is still plenty of time for them to be back into head down position for the birth months from now.

So I didn’t get pics out yesterday. I’m noticing a new norm. 🙂 I won’t have time to get all the pics to you today, so I’m going to send a round 1 today and round 2, well, maybe tomorrow.

For now, I hope you enjoy!

xo,
regina

 

This is the print that Jessica (friend in Sweden) sent to our girls. We LOVE it!

 

Gina prepping to paint the girls' room. She's so cute. 🙂

Yesterday morning, after a big protein breakkie, I wobbled back into the kitchen to make my high calorie/high protein smoothie (I do this a couple time a day). This particular morning, after I got all the ingredients in the blender, I was mindlessly counting my protein intake for the day when I hit the ON button. JUST as my finger pressed down, I realized I hadn’t put the lid on the blender. It was too late. Ka-splash! Yogurt, protein powder, ice, milk… everywhere! The good news is that I got to see that my sense of humor reigns still, because the first thing I did was crack up laughing. I couldn’t find the OFF button because the whole thing was covered in goop. That made me laugh even more which made that OFF button even hard to find! Finally, once I got it off and muck stopped flying everywhere, it was quiet. I surveyed the damage and said outloud, “Well, shit.”

Here I was trying to stay off my feet as much as possible (I had a wedding to officiate that evening) and the mess to clean up was all mine, including the floor (hard to see in these pics), wherein I wondered how I would possibly do with this big belly (can hardly touch my knees anymore, much less the floors!). Lucky for me, Gina came home right then, early from work. I would have burst into tears but the look of shock on her face quickly transformed into a smirk which turned into us both cracking up. I later realized that not only was the kitchen counter, mini-stove, floor, upper and lower cabinets, fruit bowl, cat food, etc. all a mess, but so was I! I had white protein goop in my hair, on my face, up and down my arms, on my crocs and in between my toes and all over the front of my shirt. I imagine I was quite the site.

I’m telling you… these pics do the scene of the crime no justice because it blends into everything. In the end though, it was a 20-30- minute clean-up job… with BOTH of us!

Blender Blow Up!

 

It got in cracks I didn't even know existed!

On to other fun pics taken over the course of the last two weeks.

Our little friend Ryder, Gina and I getting ice cream at the new Salt and Straw. Yum!

Breakfast with Jillian.

And... our mug shots. She's so purdy!

Kerry's 50th Birthday Celebration. I love this picture because you can see how I just "fall into" Kerry... a sign of how much I love her.

And I love this picture because you can see in her face and eyes how much she loves me. 🙂

 

We shot a bunch of these but this was the only one where the light of the babies showed up to join us.

 

Ms KD Lang

 

After the concert, waiting for the tram. A blissful evening all around.

Posted in Believing, Friends, Funnies, Love 'n Stuff, Second Trimester, What the ? | Leave a comment

25.5 Week Update

Posted on August 21, 2011 by Regina

I’ve been trying to get this post out for over a week! I have lots of photos that I intended to share at the bottom of this post but they’ll have to wait.

I’ve been a little side-tracked by some strong and frequent contractions this evening. All is well it seems. We’ll talk with midwife more tomorrow and get an herb that helps calm things down. Midwife doesn’t seem worried, so I am trying to stay calm, too.  I’ll send pics out in the next post, likely tomorrow and of course keep you updated on the belly. For now, here’s all kinds of other updates.

More Hormone Soup
A new level of hormones kicked in about 2 weeks ago. I find myself sobbing one minute, worried the next and irritable in another. I’m tired, too. Tired like back in first trimester tired. I spoke with other twin mamas of girls (i.e. estrogen overload) who said they felt the same way at this stage in the pregnancy. One even laughed with love, saying, “Oh, gosh. I remember that so distinctly! Right around week 26 I just started sobbing on the couch daily.” That’s always validating to hear, even though it’s no fun for anyone.

Facts that Make You Say, “WoW!”
Last week my midwife told me that even though I’m still in my second trimester, that I should think (and act) as if I’m in my third given my hormone levels, weight and size/measurements. This explains why people have started to ask me if I’m due soon!

  • At 25 weeks pregnant, I am measuring at 34-35 weeks pregnant
  • This is 9 weeks ahead of a singleton at this stage– right on track for twins
  • This also means that I measure, look and feel 4-6 weeks from a singleton full-term pregnancy (40 weeks).
  • I grew 7 weeks worth (7 centimeters) in just 4 weeks! We knew it was a big growth month but holy cow! Almost double the growth in just one month! No wonder my body feels as if it’s ripping apart at the seams.
  • If I go 40 weeks, I still have 15 weeks left.
  • If I make it to 36 weeks (the minimum the midwife and OB hope for), I have 11 weeks left (about three months).
  • I now weight 170 pounds and my blood pressure is still nice and low.
  • My waist now measures 42.5 inches. My boobs, a whopping 44 inches.

Whenever I feel like I’m being wimpy or wonder why I’m so tired or hurty, I think about all the above and instead feel damn proud that I’m doing so, so well and growing these babies nice and big. I am managing to keep my spirits up and my life together– mostly. 🙂

Work and Daily Activities
I have 1.5 weeks left with clients and it feels like it’ll take all I’ve got to get there. I really can’t wait to be done with work– it’s just so dang uncomfortable to sit in the chair for that long and stay so focused.

I sent out my “I’m going on maternity leave” newsletter yesterday. Despite the fact that my mind and body are so done, some part of me was resistant. It was scary to send out. I kept putting it off. What if they all leave and are not there when I come back? What if this really, really messes up all the momentum I’ve built up with my business? Plus, I’ve worked since I was 14 and haven’t stopped since…and even though I feel so incredibly grateful for Gina and a blessed life that I can stop work long before the babies come (for their best interest), I feel so mixed about it– guilty, like I’m not doing enough, sad for Gina (even though she swears she’s fine), and maybe even some weird identity stuff. None of it is rational: who KNOWS when and if and how I’ll even go back to Restoring Power and obviously I’m carrying my weight (no pun) around the household. I know, intellectually, that gestating these babies trumps all. Still… all my “stuff” is right there, ready to sift through and learn from.

As for the rest of my days, when I don’t see clients I feel pretty busy with doc appointments, prepping and eating food (and cleaning up after), household stuff to manage, and baby prepping; it’s actually conscious work to not pack too much into each day even when I don’t see clients (and especially when I do). If I do pack too much in a day (which is often cuz I’m thick headed), I really pay for it at the end of the day with an aching upper rib cage/fascia, a sore, sore pelvis and bruised and/or swollen feet. A packed day now is so different from a packed day pre-pregnancy, it’s a big mental adjustment. And so, I find myself declining lots of lunch offers, social outings and the like and if there is something I really want to do in the evening, I have to rest, feet up all day. It’s a new world, I’ll tell ya.

Body
My body is starting to hurt more…that fascia stretching thing around my sternum and below my breasts is pretty damn painful every day now. The weight of the babies just pulls it and stretches it. There is a reprieve in the morning but by night I’m icing it regularly, not because I think it helps, but it feels better than the burning and stretching. Laying down most of the day keeps it from hurting too.

On the opposite end of my torso, my pelvic bone is getting a workout and also painful. It makes me a little nervous that it’s getting worse daily but I’ve checked it out with OB, ND and Midwife and unfortunately, they all say, there is just not much to do about it. I’m trying a physical therapist this week who says she can help anyway. We’ll see.

Mostly I feel the babies move quite a bit now. They are both head down even though they don’t need to be now, so that’s pretty awesome. Baby A is particularly low which may be why my pelvis is so sore and it’s certainly why I need to pee every 20 minutes! 🙂 The weekend before last was slightly busy and parts of it stressful and I didn’t feel them move at all– even after trying a few tricks to get them to do so. Doc told me if that happens again to go in for an ultra sound ASAP– that I should be feeling them every day all the time now. I was worried when I didn’t feel them but didn’t want to panic. I’d also been told that babies sleep a lot so I was trying to be brave until appointment today. I won’t be doing that again. I’d rather look like an overzealous first-time mother than have something go wrong (or worry for a few days).

On an deeper level, I think it’s pretty cool that they could still themselves or go deep back inside or something like that when I was feeling maxed. I’m not sure what was going on but I like to make up that they knew how to keep themselves safe.

In other news, I still puke. Can you believe? The cold/bug I caught sort of conjured all that up again and even though I’m no longer symptomatic from the cold, I still have just enough mucous and stuffiness to make me toss my cookies just about each morning and sometimes again later. Ah, well… at least I’m not nauseas anymore.

Had a little scare on Friday where I went to the pool (felt even better now that I’m so much bigger) and a 12 year old boy kicked me in the stomach. Hurt like hell and scared me even more. I called both OB and midwife and seems all I got was a bit of a bruise. My girls are in water and I was in water so we are all lucky we had lots of padding. Still, this coming ultrasound, I’ll be a bit extra glad for… just to reassure me.

Good news on the body front: I’m sleeping like a champ, I have no sciatica or heartburn and my swollen feet are at a minimum compared to others I’ve seen. Phew!

Classes and Other Groovy Learning
We went to our first class. It was Twins 101. Unfortunately, it was not great. BUT, Gina and I did learn that we are so much better prepped than we thought. As first time parents, obviously, we can never be fully prepared, though we learned that we are as set-upand resourced as we possibly can be. We are SO gonna rock this!

I sat (okay, I laid down) with my friend Sonja this week and she shared with me her birth story. I’d heard it before but this time I listened with new ears. I had new questions. I heard new things. It was such a gift. I left thinking about it for a long time; feeling really inspired that she created a completely wonderful, natural birth in a hospital– with just about everything she wanted. She birthed her 10lb 4 oz baby who was occiput posterior (OP) position (sunny side up) vaginally and naturally (no meds) using nothing but her inner power, her belief that her body was made to do this, her commitment, her husband and hynobirthing. If you can’t get inspired by that, you might be dead.

I saw my Doula this past week for a Flower Essence “reading”. She made a customized flower essence for me which I’m finding much peace in. Jesse lives on 5 acres of gorgeous land that is quiet but filled with life. We sat on her deck and chatted a bit first. While doing so, a Red Tail Hawk came flying by, swooping low right in front of me… then up and away. It sailed across the opening in the trees stunning me with it’s beauty. Even though I had never seen one before in my life, I immediately knew exactly what it was. You may remember the Shamanic Session I did back in the first trimester? She said then that my totem was a Red Tail Hawk. It’s purpose was to teach me about delivering a message, seeing a larger Vision and looking in new ways that I am to be of service. Here are a few more facts about The Red-Tail Hawk as a Totem.

Role:  ~The Visionary~

Lesson: Discover Dormant Abilities

Element: Fire/Air

Wind: ~East~ Illumination & Peace~

Medicine: Channeling

 

Key Words

Awareness of the Big Picture       

Guardianship     

Truth

Channeling       

Visionary       

Latent Power

Higher Calling       

Illumination

Observation

Enough said, no?

Gifts
It’s a bit overwhelming how many gifts are coming our way. From the cutest little hot pink Nike tennis shoes that you ever did see (thank you Kori!) to maternity shoots (thank you Linda!) and previously owned favorites (breast pump, bottle warmers, cribs… the list goes on thanks to Linda, Sonja, Sam, Rhona, Amy and others I know I’m forgetting), to a gorgeous print for the girls nursery from our friend Jessica in Sweden (which we fell in LOVE with and have already framed).

Our house is filled with goods for the girls and it’s finally starting to sink in as the nursery is now empty with primer all on the walls (thank you Gina)… we are going to have TWO babies here in a matter of months. It’s exciting and overwhelming all at once.

Social Stuff
We’ve had all kinds of social stuff from our friend Kerry’s 50th Birthday Party to a KD Lang Concert (whereupon I cried hearing Hallelujah and I could feel the babies just loving the song– which is now on their playlist), to Linda and Ryder’s visit (complete with maternity shoot).

This weekend I’m performing a wedding, seeing lots of clients as I wrap up final sessions and we have an ultrasound scheduled. This week will be the last big push in terms of scheduling. After that, I’m feeling home free to really take care of my body and babies exactly as I like each and every day.

Photos
Lots of fun photos to share this week. I’ll post them tomorrow.

Posted in Believing, Firsts, Hormones, Learning, Love and Gratitude, Second Trimester | Leave a comment

Blessings

Posted on August 10, 2011 by Regina

It was quite interesting, me putting all my raw feeling on the table like that in the last post. I got more responses to that post than to any so far…and all greatly mixed: from acknowledgment (“I love your honesty and courage, Regina. So great.”), to shared anger (“Bitch!”, “I’d be SO mad, too!”, “Doesn’t she watch the news?”), to support/empathy (“So, so sorry… that sucks so badly.”), to outright concern about my upset (“Don’t be angry. It’s bad for your girls. Bring on the positive!”). See? A wide variety, eh?

Whatever your particular response was, rest assured, all is well. True to my form, my life’s work and my beliefs, I allowed myself to really feel the anger, frustration and fear that got shaken up with this situation. I moved into it instead of away from it. In doing so, it moved right on through me– and quickly.

In the end, while putting myself out there felt vulnerable, I’m glad I let myself be real with it all– let it move through. I’m grateful for my years of training in this domain of embodiment and happy that I’m modeling healthy self-expression for my girls. I’m clean of the upset because of how I let myself process it– and that feels great.

Mama Update
While (physically) I’m still feeling yucky and ran a low grade fever yesterday, my heart is connected to this great belly and the sweet babies who are moving all the time now, like little bits of popcorn in there.

My cracked/torn rib can be excruciating at times, particularly when I cough (which is often) or throw up. No pain killers for it like a doc might normally prescribe, so I just push on through with arnica and ice. Sometimes I follow-up a cough or a sneeze with a “fuck” (from the pain) and then a “shit” from the pee in my pants (back to wearing thick pads again… boo). Gina gets a kick out of me I think.

The natural remedies I am using for the cold do seem to be helping in that I don’t see any sign of infection and from here, it already looks like this may be a much shorter lived ordeal than the last time. Whew! Fingers crossed that by next week I’ll be feeling only itty bitty traces of this bug. The rib will take another 4-5 weeks or so, but I’ll just keep crossing that bridge daily.

In the meantime, I’m resting like you wouldn’t believe. Hopefully I won’t have to cancel some special upcoming events. If so, I might have to get angry all over again. Wink. 😉

Last little Mama update is that I’m starting to feel more contractions now. I was feeling a few here and there starting about week 18-20 or so but now I get them several times a day and often in the night. While these Braxton Hicks contractions start at about 6 weeks into pregnancy, most women don’t feel them until mid-pregnancy. With twins, its more common feel them earlier and more frequently. Midwife tells me to ensure that I have no more than 5 in a hour and no cramping that comes with them. So far, so good! I like the idea that my uterus is practicing and preparing for birthing. It continues to amazing me how my body knows exactly how to do this whole pregnancy and birth thing.

Baby Update
Last week Gina and I saw our OB. It was the first time we’d seen her since she’d had her baby. She was a wealth of more information for baby-prepping, as usual.

The best news, however, was when she looked at the ultrasound report and told us that our babies are 15oz and 1lb, putting them in the 50th percentile…then she looked up at us, eyebrows raised and said, “and that’s based on singletons. So, your babies are doing GREAT for twins. Each nice and big as a singleton.” Twins are typically smaller than singletons so this was fantastic news! Yahoo! This means all that protein I take in and all  the calories I eat are really paying off. So far, these babes are on track to being full-term, healthy-sized kiddos. We like that… a lot.

As I mentioned, I can feel them move a lot now. I feel just gentle little kicks given how small each baby is and I love this feeling. It’s my favorite part of pregnancy so far, other than this belly. Even more exciting is that we can see my belly move sometimes, too. Gina says it looks like little earthquakes happening on the surface of my skin. Even MORE exciting than that is that she FELT one of the babies move for the first time this week. I was OVER THE MOON. Maybe even more excited than her.

I feel more and more connected to these baby girls every day. I even have a sense of which is which (given the current names we like). They each carry a different energy and vibe… I feel like I am getting to know them more now. I talk to them a lot– about everything from how great and silly and smart their mama Gina is to hanging in there with all my coughing and barfing. I also sometimes just say hi, or tell them to move in a different direction in my belly where there seems their could be more room for them.

WILD to think that I’m walking around with three beating hearts inside of me.

What’s Happening Now?
Nursery Prep
We’ve begun clearing out the TV room to start prepping the nursery. We picked an enchanted garden theme, which we both love. No cartoons or baby ducks or anything like that. Just a pretty, organic, magical world to walk into. We found a really pretty pillow with dainty flowers and vines for inspiration. With that, Gina had the idea (she has the BEST ideas) to make the whole room like a flower garden, complete with a grass green carpet, light sunny walls and a perfectly blue sky (ceiling). She is picking up paint this week and soon it’ll be under way (I’m not painting… just Gina). I’m looking forward to that part being done and the room aired out so that I can start to organize and house all the baby loot we’ve been gifted so far.

Baby Prep
We’ve also been prepping and planning for family visits post birth, baby showers, and labor and birth. Seems like all this would just be organic but it’s actually been very intentional in a lovely sort of way given we’ve had to discuss so much more than we thought.
For example:

  • Whose mom comes first, Gina’s or mine? And when does she come?
  • Regarding a baby registry, committed to some level of simplicity, sufficiency, and sustainability, we always thought we’d have way less “stuff” than the average person when we had a baby but now with two, there’s more needed (and perhaps even wanted) than we imagined! So we are in conversation about how to find a balance that feels right to us in terms of needs and wants.
  • Then there’s the diaper conversation… good god! There is so much to research… cloth, disposable, combo of both? If cloth… then a buy & wash or use a service? It’s been a full time job just figuring it all out! But a very fun full-time job.  By the way, we are choosing cloth diapers with a cleaning service. We’d likely wash them ourselves if we didn’t have twins but, alas, heeding advice from other twin parents, this is one more thing that’ll be different than we imagined.

Wrapping up Work
I’ve just got a few weeks left of “full-time” work then I’ll be on a modified bed-rest for September till when the babies come. Really, just taking it easy, being on my back as much as possible and cooking these babies. I’ll still see a few clients a week… maybe 2-3 and occasionally on the phone until Sept 20th. Then, work is all done! We’ll have some baby classes and some baby showers in September, too. All in all, I’ll start to wind down by end of August and plan to be fully wound down end of September. I’ve been doing final scheduling with clients and crafting final newsletters informing of my maternity leave, etc., all in a way the leaves room for me to come back (whenever that is) with a solid base.

My midwife had said to me that by September I’ll care less about my work. That my attention would begin to shift inward on Gina, me and the babies. Mostly the babies. And it’s so true. I can already feel that I can’t wait for the end of August– even though I LOVE my work and my clients. I look forward to just having that piece be off my plate emotionally and mentally. I want to be freed up to just be with the last months or weeks of my pregnancy that I’ll most likely only do once. I feel a bit mixed and unsure about my loss of income for our household but I know that I’ve done my best inside a “short year” (i.e. contributing only 8 months of income instead of 12). In the end, Gina and I are partnering and she’s been fantastic about this part of the process (my work ending, that is).

Blessings
This week we’ve been blessed every day with something special from someone.

Sunday Tim brought pastries from his bakery and Sonja brought over cold, natural orange jello for my throat (which incidentally has been a godsend not only for my sore throat but it works well to eat first thing in the morning so when I throw up, it’s easier to just throw that up and I don’t really loose any protein… who knew?!) Maybe Sonja did. 🙂 She also brought Bust magazine and a gorgeous, giant hydrangea flower.

Monday, Krista let me bend her ear while I cried and cried… feeling uber hormonal and working through the various emotions of being sick (and all it’s implications).

Tuesday, a box full of maternity clothes arrived from Rhona… who is set on making me the most fashionable pregnant woman in town! Such a gift. Made me cry. Yet again.

Rhona and Krista also created and sent out the baby shower invite, which is so humbling… not only that all the Poker Gals are throwing this shower for us but to see all the people that want to come celebrate the joy of our girls coming into the world.

Sonja offered to do a special ritual for the babies, as well. A Blessing Way for them to enter this world with love, security and health.

Gina brings me chicken soup and other cures for my hunger and ailments. In general, she is just awesome support.

Yesterday, my mom called to say that when the babies come all she really wants is to just make my life as easy as possible and be of help in any and all ways she can. Seeing the babies will be a bonus but that helping me is what she really longs to do. I wept with gratitude right there on the phone. Another level of opportunity, healing and love for us both.

Lastly, today marks a milestone as far as the western medical world is concerned. We hit 24 weeks, 6 months pregnant that is.  24 week is considered the time of pre-term viability. Meaning, if pre-term labor were to occur, statistically speaking, odds would be on the side of the little one surviving. As a high risk pregnancy, it’s really an accomplishment to get here. So much so that the docs will likely mention a kudos next time we are in.

See? Lots of blessings right? And I know there’s more I’m leaving out or don’t even know about… like all the good vibes, prayers and good thoughts that come our way. It’s humbling and a practice to keep letting it all in.

So… life marches on with all it’s little pains and all it’s sweet blessings. We are steering the course on this journey that seems to be changing our lives more and more every day. And I love it. So very, very much.

xo

Posted in Believing, Friends, Love and Gratitude, Second Trimester, What the ? | Leave a comment

Grrr….

Posted on August 7, 2011 by Regina

Last week I held a Salon and one of the guests showed up sick. That’s right. Sick. Came in to the home of a pregnant woman and dropped her germs whilst sick. Coughing, hacking, snotty-nose-blowing, had to leave the room once just to do more of her hacking and nose blowing kind of sick. When she arrived at the door I hugged her, not knowing she was sick. The noise level was so loud in the beginning and I was ushering other guests, I didn’t know it then either.

It was only until we sat down quietly, in a circle, about 16 of us… was her illness omnipresent. Shit, I thought. Maybe it’s just allergies, I hoped. I was torn. In the middle of a sacred conversation, do I stop, ask her to leave? I didn’t have it in me to do it– thinking it would shame or embarrass her. After the discussion part of the Salon, I approached her (with some distance) and asked, “Is this just allergies or are you sick?” She said, “Oh, uh… I don’t know… I think it’s just allergies now. But it’s been a week. I’m sure it’s fine.” I told her that I needed to be very cautious being pregnant and I need to keep distance from her as she still seemed contagious to me. She left right then. Sent me an apology email which was nice but the damage was done. Now lesson learned for both of us. Only, I’m paying the price.

Two days later, I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat. Within 24 hours, I had a burning chest, mucous and coughing. Last night, just pulling the yogurt from the fridge made me toss my dinner (already well digested) in the kitchen sink. Only to head to the bathroom for another 10 minutes of wrenching, puking, peeing on the new bathmats and yes, you guessed it, fucking up my ribs on the OTHER side.

I’m so fucking pissed off I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m mad at her. Mad at me. Frustrated that my immune system doesn’t work better. I used to be around sickies all the time and not get sick. Now, growing two babies… I guess ALL my energy goes to them (that’s what midwife says anyway). It’s not just a cold for me being pregnant. It means not sleeping well, labored breathing, throwing up (calorie concerns), peeing myself all the time, and this really, really ouchy pain in my rib which now impacts how I move, sleep (at this stage in my pregnancy I can mostly only sleep on my left side but now with the cracked/pulled ligaments in ribs, it’s too painful), how I move, roll over and get up. It also impacts Gina’s world as she’s now left to work AND care for me again.

I have 3 weeks left of clients, a 50th birthday party to attend, a wedding to officiate … not to mention just groceries to buy, pools to swim in, friends to see and a couple weeks of summer left to enjoy. Now, because that one women “hasn’t been around pregnant women much at all and didn’t know….” all of that will either be missed or compromised. Well, and because I didn’t have the tits to kick her out, stat, too. Fuck.

More lessons on things not going how I planned; I know. But more than that, I’m grieving. And angry. I’m just so pissed off that I’m here again. I had THREE WEEKS of enjoying — savoring every moment of– my pregnancy. Three weeks! I was JUST getting in the groove of it. Last time I was sick it took 6 weeks to get over and another 6 for my right side rib to mostly heal. My rib cage and ribs are already working so hard, they have been stretching so much (I’ve grown 2 inches in my rib cage in just 6 months!) that there is concern that the ribs just won’t entirely ever heal as the babes keep growing and pushing upward.

I am totally grabbed by the fear monger. I feel desperate to not go down the path of misery I was down before. I’m in tears. Afraid that by the time I heal from this nasty bug that I’ll be so big and uncomfortable I won’t be enjoying it anymore… I know that’s not all true or rational … but it’s where I’m at today.

 

 

Posted in Learning, Second Trimester, What the ? | Leave a comment

23 Weeks and Growing Strong

Posted on August 3, 2011 by Regina

Seems like not much has happened but then seems like so much has happened.

The 22wk ultrasound last week was made extra sweet because it landed on the exact day of Pema’s birthday and she came along. She saw our little girls inside me! Such a sweet gift for us all. The babes each were head down facing each other (but likely to move by the end of the day the tech said) and even fist bumped each other for a special show for us. It’s incredible to see how interactive they are with each other. This was a new layer of really getting how related they are already. They are siblings now, not just when they come out. Already sisters. They have never– even from conception–known a world without the other. It’s pretty damn awesome.

Now that I’m three weeks in to feeling all the way better, we’ve been cleaning up the backyard (just in time for the sun), put the chickens in their run, catching up on a cleaner house (it went undone for a good few months there… again, more practice for what’s to come), and getting out and about shopping and test driving strollers, etc. In some ways, feels like we haven’t made huge headway because everything looks the same around here… but in about 6-8 weeks, we’ll have a nursery where our adult-hang our room is now and we’ll have furniture moved all around, etc.

This past week was a big week of fun, festivities, friends and baby planning stuff.

Hospital Tour
There is not a lot to say about this other than we did the tour and the facilitator was great. She gave awesome suggestions on everything from music, parking, pre-registering, to nakedness. We were able to see the laboring room we’d be most of the time but not the OR (operating room) where I’ll deliver. When she talked about C-sections I cried. Granted I’m all hormonal but still, that’s what happened. In the end, the tour was really good to see where we’ll be and sort of helped us think about who we may want to be there (not much room for many) and how we’ll work around some of the silly medical absurdities that are not necessary but rather a convenience for the hospital. Again, I have my midwife and Gina advocating so I really trust and feel in good hands. Nonetheless, I’m processing it all as it’s part of my unique journey.

Doula Magic
We had our first session with our Doula. Years ago I traded services with the best doula in town, Jesse Henderson, Owner of Mother Tree Birth. I helped her launch and grow her business and she, in turn, would be our doula when our “baby” (now babies) came. Since we last connected (about 5 years ago), Jesse became certified as a Flower Essence Healer and so brought me a package of her special, powerful flower essences. I love them! Many of you know, I’ve always dreamt of being a Homeopath or a Flower Essence lady so this is especially exciting for me. Jesse rubbed my belly and moved into my space with so much love and ease it made me feel different about my pregnancy. More natural. Less fragile. More… I don’t know– just good. We sat on the couch and I got all the emotional support that I wanted.

One of my favs...LOVE that belly!

Lastly, and maybe most interesting, we did a pain coping exercise. Gina and I held ice cubes in our hands for 1 minute (clearly, not at all the intensity of a surge/contraction but about the amount of time of one). We each got to see how we worked with the sensation and discomfort. Then, we did a few other methods of pain coping that taught each of us about our best ways of coping. More importantly, it taught Gina and I MY best ways of coping. Gina is already an amazing birth partner. I feel so damn lucky to have her. I told her, even if she wasn’t my wife, I’d want her in labor and delivery with me!

Jesse, our Doula giving me belly-love.

Friends Turn Forty!
This week, two of my besties turned 40. Pema on the 27th and Krista on the 29th. Both had really, really wonderful, lovely celebrations that lasted late into the evening (and so did I, yeah!). It was so great to feel well, celebrate with them and be in the world all happy and knocked up.

Krista's 40th!

Pema's 40th!

Weightless
By Saturday I was pretty wiped out. Gina was too but she had to work and 8-hour shift. 🙁 So, having time alone, I read, ate, slept, and eventually got myself into a cute pink bathing suit my friend Sonja loaned me and waddled on down to our local public pool (yes, I now officially waddle). My feet had been swelling and my rib (while on the mend, had a little backslide in a yoga class) still hurting and Jesse (doula) said swimming would be great for both. So, off I went.

When I first got in, I didn’t really notice the weight taken off me. Maybe I was too into how good and cool that water felt. Or maybe I was shocked by how much I COULDN’T swim like I used to! This belly, all the weight, my rib… just the sheer awkwardness of it all! It’s a shame I was alone because I was cracking myself up… I felt like a sea turtle, flailing my arms just to move an inch. Quite shocking given I’ve been a strong, solid swimmer for decades. So, I just stuck to the side of the pool and stretched and floated. Ahhh, that turned out to be way more my style. After about 30 minutes of wading around, I got out of the pool. I was even more shocked to find that with each step out of the pool, I felt like I was gaining another 50 pounds. I felt incredibly heavy! The weight was intense. No wonder pregnant women like the water so much! 30minutes later I was back in. In between wading time I soaked up the sun and allowed a man who seemed to fixated with my pregnant body to stare and flirt with me. Hey, I’ll take what I can get these days!

This other really lovely thing happened… hard to put into words really but here’s the upshot. Whenever I imagined being pregnant, I always dreamt and hoped that it would be in the summer time. I love the feel of the sun on my skin and I wanted to feel that pregnant– and on my pregnant belly. During all the years that I tried to get pregnant, whenever I’d be at the pool (for lap swimming) I’d see all the pregnant mamas doing their water aerobics, the little ones getting swim lessons and the older kids splashing and playing around. It would be such a bittersweet time for me and the longing I felt then was deep. Yesterday, however, the longing was vanished and in its place was pure love, gratitude, joy as I stared down at my tummy (yes, with weird guy watching) and just was in awe that we get to do this. That I get to be pregnant. I watched all the families at the pool and thought, “Next year, that’ll be Gina and I here with each of our girls in hand, wading around in the pool, getting drunk on their little smiles and squeals.” It was a “dream come true” kind of day in that way. It may seem little and small but it sure felt big to me. Not only did that water leave me weightless but the whole experience took any last bit of “heavy” out of my heart.

Far Away Connections
Last week I had two Skype sessions. One with my sister Rhonda’s kids (from London) visiting my Mom and my sister Diana (and family) in Boulder, CO. The other with my longtime friend, Jen C. on the east coast. Besides being so good to see each other and connect live, it was super fun to watch the looks on their faces when I showed off my belly. As Jen put it, “The pictures on the blog give you an idea, but holycow, there’s nothing like seeing that belly 3-D! You are SO pregnant!” I showed my boobs to Jen, too, and she was equally shocked. They are like a party trick, these days, I’ll tell ya.

I also was lucky enough to get an in-person visit from dear friend, Tricia. We’ve known know each other since grammar school (3rd grade)! She lives in California but was visiting her sister up here in Oregon/Washington. Tricia has two boys but was able to carve out a little 1:1 time for just she and I. It was, of course, too short but an incredible gift to visit even for a few hours. We ate, took pics, talked it up and even ran an errand… as if we lived in the same city. It was really so nice.

Tricia and Regina... friends for 30 years!

Twin Talk
Gina and I got together with a few fantastic friends who happen to be twin mamas (and one papa!). It was SO, SO great. We got the down-low on everything from bodily functions, hospital advice, first month, co-sleeping, what to do with two when you are solo and the shit hits the fan, strollers, cars, routines, etc. In the end, we walked away feeling normalized in so many ways, really gotten and much more prepared. They all had different parenting styles but with twins, we fast learned, it levels the playing field and there are certain things that they all had in common- that simply can’t be by much choice anymore.

We also felt like we got a good sense of how crazy and difficult it could be with two: a reality check of sorts. They talked about listening to their friends with one baby and how they might stare into each other’s eyes for hours on end… uh uh. Doesn’t happen so much with two. Seems it’s a different sort of bonding that happens. Also seems like the sleep thing and all that might be a bit hairier, too… BUT, we learned, after about 6 months and then again around 18 months… things begin to get much easier and much better. Maybe even with a few added perks. So, we know we can never be fully prepared, that it’s different for every family. Still, we’ll take the sage advice from all of them (and many books, doulas, midwives, etc.) and just keep staying present to finding our own way in this new, wonderful journey we’ll have together.

Body Update
I can still feel the stretching pulling in my upper stomach muscles and fascia. By the end of the day, it’s pretty dang uncomfortable.  It pings and pangs and oooh, ouchy. A bit more disconcerting, however, is a strange numbness I’ve developed at the top of my stomach, under my left breast. I’m not sure if it’s intestines getting squished or my bras just too tight (I have outgrown the two that I purchased, which were 34G’s) or what. I asked my doula about it and she was puzzled. I searched online– nothing. I asked my midwife and she says that numbing in general is common (especially in the arms where I have it as well) and it’s likely just more fascia pulling and stretching and nothing to worry about. I talked to a friend today who said she got numb there, too, so chalking it up to one more weird pregnancy thing.

I’m still sleeping pretty well. It’s very interrupted with peeing and having to move to a new position every hour or so (due to arms numbing). But when I do get back to bed or roll over, I go right back to sleep which I’m grateful for.

When I get up, I’m often surprised at the weight of my belly and breasts. Both heavy and hot. I’m also surprised at the pressure and sort of bruising sensation on my pelvis and pelvic bone.

My feet decided to swell just this past week. The soles feel sore and bruised as well… another thing that can be common in pregnancy but almost universal with twins because the weight gain is so much more rapid and the feet can suddenly be “shocked” by the extra poundage. So, ice baths, elevating and a few new pair of crocs have helped tremendously. Still, sometimes, in a big day, by evening, I avoid standing and walking at all costs cuz it just plain hurts.

I got the best massage of my life a few days ago. So grateful and helped me feel so much better!

I’m pretty stuffy… common for pregnancy and still a bit gaggy every now and then. Have not vomited in weeks now! Yah! Though, still feel waves of nausea occasionally… particularly when I smell or have to choke down cooked chicken. Ugh.

I can feel the babies moving more now, too. Sometimes just little bumps and taps and flutters, other times I feel the stretching, pressure and pulling when one or both of them are trying to do a full 180 inside such a small cavitity. I love all these sensations more than anything. When we did the ultrasound, we got to see how much each of the girls move (so much so, they had to come back in the room and re-do some measurements because our baby A just wouldn’t stop her personalized yoga). It’s surprising to me, however, how much of their movement I CANNOT feel. At least for now. Only 5 3/4 months now, it makes me wonder what I’ll be feeling inside me at 7, 8, 9 months pregnant when they really don’t have any room!

Questions
Now that I’m showing, like really showing, people have been asking us all kinds of questions.

Names
Friends, family and strangers alike want to know about names. As you know, we are keeping those names close to our chest. We had a nice long list and have now narrowed it down to just a few. Truth be told, a couple (one for each) are rising to the surface but still, we are committed to seeing our little cherubs first, meeting them and then choosing which name fits who and if either of those names work for them.

Quick aside from the “questions” heading: Yesterday, Gina randomly said, “Say your babies names.” Almost a quick (soft) demand. I was walking down the stairs, I stopped in my tracks and said the first two names that came to me. Then I burst into tears. I ran to her and hugged her. Makes me cry right now even thinking about it. Again, I’m hormonal, but there was something, in that moment, that I felt energetically that I felt deeply in my heart… the joy, the vulnerability, the ecstasy of us having this miracle, this gift. It was a memorable, sweet and profound moment for sure.

Baby Booty
Yep. Folks keep asking for our list of wants. How lucky are we? So, we’re working on it. Sheesh…not so easy it turns ut. It’s a whole new world and wading through needs and wants and “green” vs wasteful or harmful. A lot to take in. Truth, I’m loving it though. I get to do this!

The lovely Poker Girls are throwing us a shower for which I’m so, so grateful and excited. Save the date: September 11th. We had concerns about this being the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 but in the end deciding what better day to celebrate life. And so it goes.

The baby registry is still in the works but if you want the link for a sneak peek… here ’tis. http://babyli.st/gina-and-reginas-baby-booty. Invites to the shower are coming soon.

Donor Questions
Okay, so…again, now that I’m showing, we are getting more and more questions from strangers. Some of the questions are shameless, invasive and well…dumb. So Gina and I have been on the spot enough times now that we think are prepared with how we want to answer these questions as they come. Strangely enough, many of the questions are the same (so I guess that’s to our benefit). Here’s how they sound:

So, who’s the real mom? (As opposed to the fake one?)

Who’s the Dad? (Our children will be having two moms. No dad. Not sure if you saw, there are two sets of breasts here. But if what you want to know is, who is our baby’s biological donor? Well, that’s reserved for friends and family to know. Not for you stranger on the street, whom it matters little to, other than to satisfy your curiosity and tell your friends a good story.)

How did you guys do it? (Would I ask you this question if you were pregnant?) Again, friends and family no prob… but strangers?

Who did you get to be the donor? Why are people so fascinated by this?

Where’d you get the sperm from? I don’t even know where to start here. Do I tell them the name of the clinic? No. They don’t want to know that. Do I say it’s none of your business? Do I ask them where they got their sperm from? Really, it’s such an awkward position to be asked this by people I don’t know?!

Like I said, coming from friends some of these questions are harmless, but coming from complete- I mean COMPLETE- strangers, it’s just shocking to me. To boot, I am guessing that if Gina and I were a man and woman with infertility issues (needed a sperm or egg) they would never dream of asking where that couple got their sperm or who the Dad is. That is something that is considered taboo to ask in our society. Apparently not when you are a lesbian couple. It’s just so strange to me that because we are two women, and maybe a novelty for some (?), people give themselves permission to ask very intimate personal questions they wouldn’t of other couples.

If you think it’s occasional, think again. We have been asked each of these questions ALL just this week alone. In fact, I was just asked by a women walking by our house (she likes to pet our cat Neko) about an hour ago as I was writing the earlier part of this post. I’d never seen her before in my life. She mentioned something about how grateful I must be for a cool summer given I’m pregnant. I agreed. All nice so far, right? Then she said, “So, where did you? How did you? Oh, well, I guess that’s really personal, huh?” She was the one person this week that caught herself, bless her. I responded with a gentle, “Yah, it is.” and a light smile. But the urge is strong and she couldn’t help herself; as if to say, well, at least tell me this… she followed quickly with, “I mean, do you know him?” I just said “Nope.”, changed the subject back to my cat and said good-bye. Why does she need to know this?

From standing in line to restaurant seatings, people are fascinated by us! Who knew?! We’ve come up with some polite but serious ways of handling/setting boundaries/educating and then we’ve come up with some really funny responses as well. I guess we’ll just use whatever strikes us in that moment. Godspeed to the person who comes next.

If you have any good comeback lines or ways of handling this… bring it on! We are clearly in very unchartered territory.

Dreams
I’ve been having all kinds of weird pregnancy dreams. Some are textbook : dreaming about twin kittens and twin puppies, to old flames and celebrities.

This week though, I had two “stress” dreams both signaling for me to slow down. Most recent was a dream last night I had about miscarrying both babies and I could have prevented it. The other was a dream about wrapping up work, building the nursery, taking all the baby and birth classes… all in September. I worried about doing too much when I maybe I should be on modified bed rest. So, I’m listening to all that and following my intuition and inner knowing. I’ve got my feet up all day today and taking good care. I am also visualizing our girls, full-term, happy and healthy.

Again, I am so happy and grateful to be pregnant, with it comes this extreme vulnerability — the fear of losing it all in a moment. The brain wants to guard and I’m doing my work to keep relaxing into the beauty of what’s so NOW (not what happened in the past). So far, it’s working out just fine. 🙂

Until next time… xoxo

Posted in Because We're Two Chicks, Believing, Firsts, Friends, Hormones, Learning, Love and Gratitude, Second Trimester, What the ? | 2 Comments

Pictures!!!

Posted on July 20, 2011 by Regina

Proof
Okay, y’all have asked for more pics so here they are below!

We had a rare sunny day here in Portland (Summer has been held hostage by Spring) and we got to shoot a few outside. Some are pretty goofy… evidence of how great I feel these days. 🙂

Belly Mama Update
We had a midwife appointment two days ago and all is VERY well. She seemed super pleased with everything and told me a number of times how great I look (she’s not only a midwife but a Naturopath so she’s looking at my skin color, eye brightness, tongue, etc.)… so, we were really happy with how happy she was, particularly after having been so sick previously.

My blood pressure is nice and low (super good for a “high risk pregnancy”) and I weigh in at 159 now! Yahoo! My goal is between 55-60 pounds. I started around 134 so I’ve gained 25… not quite half way there in weight but catching up quickly.

By the way, my rib is really on the mend, my ears still have fluid and overall I feel SO GREAT! So, SO great.

The physical changes that are happening this week are all in my belly. I can feel the fascia at the top of my rib cage stretching and tearing (right where the bra comes together, where the stomach bowl is). That’s what the midwife says that is, anyway. And as much yoga as I’ve done to avoid stomach muscles tearing, I feel the stretch and pinching and pulling of that happening all day long now. Early for a normal pregnancy but again, pretty right on time for twins.

Baby and Belly Update
Babies are growing healthy. Heartbeats are nice and strong and steady. And, as you can see in the pics, I’ve had a growth spurt as “wide” as I have “out”.  In fact, it’s the first thing the midwife noticed, “Wow… you really grew sideways and wide this month. Wonderful!”

I’m measuring at 26 weeks, though I’m 21 weeks today. Pretty spot on for twins. She put her hands on my belly and really felt around, called her intern over excitedly and said, “Look at this! She is a great example of twins. You might not catch it at first but when you look more closely and feel in deep, there’s clearly ONE 20wk baby (and then pressing the other side- ugh) and ANOTHER 20wk baby. Both full to their term and everything feels great.”  Hurray!!!

Exhale and Joy
Every time we have an appointment and I hear more good news, hear the heartbeats, and know the babies grow bigger I feel more and more at peace.

And while I’m having some mild concerns about birthing in a hospital as of late, I’m actually really excited about the labor and birth.

Ultra sound is next week, which will settle me again, I’m sure. So, we’ll be in touch again then.

Until then…enjoy the pics.

Much love…. xo

 

Hope you are smiling by now. 🙂
That’s all folks!
xo

Posted in Believing, Friends, Love 'n Stuff, Love and Gratitude, Second Trimester | 1 Comment